Especially now, race is a big part of your identity. This summer has been filled with turmoil of "white vs black" and so, it can be kind of important to know what side you're on. Not only what kind of message you're supporting, but also, who you are.
As a mixed race person, sometimes, I don't know where I stand. I don't know that I can say that I'm not privileged because, as a half white person, I have benefited greatly from white privilege. But as a half black person, I have often been teased about black stereotypes or even been popular because I was different. The problem is, I don't "fit" a race.
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I sit on this line of being black or white, but I'm not one or the other, I'm both. So, what do I benefit from? Do I live on the side where I am a person who is oppressed because of their race? Or am I the person that needs to see the needs of the oppressed?
Let's not be serious for a second. Here is an example of my struggles with race identity that isn't existential: My hair. So my hair is thick, curly and pretty wild. It's hard to take care of. It's definitely not what you would think of as "white" hair, but it's not quite to the thickness or the level of "black" hair.
I think braids are pretty cool, and since I've gone natural (meaning I'm not chemically doing anything with my hair anymore), I've really wanted to get some. So, last summer, I went to a place that one of my African American friends goes to get her hair done. Six hours later, I have some awesome braids. Now, these braids were supposed to last three months, but for me, it started falling out within a week.
This was obviously a problem, and so the friend who helped me get the appointment, called and said it was unacceptable, but the hair stylist blamed me. "Her hair is too white," she said. Wow, my race was something that to this woman limited my style. (By the way, I should have been able to have braids, so I don't know what was going on.)
I felt this limbo, this being stuck in the middle of two identities. I loved seeing braids, and I still do. But apparently because of my mixed-ness I couldn't be apart of that crowd. I almost felt like she said, "You're not black enough to pull off braids."
As a mixed person, I will probably always struggle with "Am I black/white enough to do this?" Sometimes when I meet new people, I tell them straight up that I'm mixed, not Mexican or some other race. I feel the need to make jokes about my racial identity before someone else does. I questioned whether I could be in Black Student Union because I didn't feel black enough.
In this day and age, it's sad that I have to think about whether or not someone will see my race or my personality first when they meet me. I shouldn't have to wonder whether I'm black enough to feel the oppression of part of what is my identity. I shouldn't have to question if I'm white enough for some privileges.
Being mixed is a struggle because I don't know where I belong. Everyday is a new day of wondering where I stand in my identity. As I go through college, I'm trying to find out what it means to be not only a black person, but a white person too. I hope to one day find out where I belong, but maybe it's something I will always struggle with.
