I have been asked many questions since the "Invisible Illness" article became live. I have had an immense amount of support and I am forever thankful to have such incredible people in my life.
However, there is one response that blew me away. There were some that feared that I was suicidal, that I needed help. I believed that what I had written was the exact opposite of such. It seems to me that people are so influenced by the way in which society thinks that they are unable to comprehend the meaning behind certain writings. That they choose to read it with one idea in mind only and that's that. But, then I got to thinking:
Even if I was suicidal, why would I be judged for that? There must have been something serious in either my life or body that would provoke me to have that type of feeling. It isn't embarrassing. It's an illness like everything else.
I don't believe that I'm sharing too much but there are others who have decided to believe that for me.
I have received an overwhelming amount of love and support from loved ones to even strangers. However, there are a select few who have deemed me as "psycho"
And why am I "psycho"?
Because I take medicine to make myself happier? Because my body's natural chemicals give me an overwhelming sense of anxiety and I opted to choose a way to fix that?
Ever since I could remember I've been bouncing off the walls everywhere I went. And guess what came with that? My brain bouncing off the walls in my head.
I was anxious every day and there were times I acted out as a result. I couldn't have change. I couldn't have spontaneity. I needed a schedule. I needed a list. Since the spring of freshman year I have been able to thrive in a way I haven't been able to before. My anxiety was finally tamed. I no longer walked around day after day with a pit in my stomach. I was finally able to be happy without worry.
Going through the sadness that came along with my anxious mind wasn't easy. It took a long time for me to accept the present rather than looking towards the future. Now I can honestly say that I live my life with positivity. I stop myself before asking "what if". I do my absolute best to focus on NOW and embrace this current moment.
"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present"
I've finally been able to grasp that I cannot change everything. That the world hasn't given me anything I cannot handle. Whatever happens to me has happened for a reason. Either to make me learn, experience or create a stronger me. It isn't always easy to look on the bright side. It has taken A LOT for me to get here but I wouldn't change my journey for the world. I am who I am because of what I've gone through. I'm stronger and happier now than I have ever been before.
I am not embarrassed
I am not crazy
I am Sydney
and if I am happy with who I am
Who
Cares
