Dear "Little" Sis,
I had a dream about you last night. I was having a really hard day and things got bad again, I was so happy to see you. In the dream we met up, everything was white, I had never seen anything like it. You said you had to go away for a little bit. Why were you gone so long? Why did you stop coming to see me? Didn't you miss me too? You ignored me and tended to the life you were now enjoying. I wish I could have stayed there forever but I woke up, I tried to go back to sleep, trust me. When I woke up I realized why everything was white--we were in heaven, it was your new home and with a place as magical as heaven, I realized why you weren't coming by.
It's been three years. Everyone says "time heals all wounds," but does it? It's been a little over three years and each night I pray, I am still crying and telling him to take care of you, I am still asking him to tell you all my messages, and I am still wishing you'd send me signs. Time doesn't make it easier; it makes it harder, because with each day that passes and each new accomplishment I make, I am faced with reality that you aren't there to celebrate with me.
If I could go back in time I'd tell you I love you more, I'd take all those cheesy laptop pictures with filters, and I'd make more burnt grilled cheese. If only I had more time to do all the things I wanted to do with you. I would have held your hand longer and stayed in the hospital overnight with you, if only I had known this is would have happened.
I used to be very angry with God and ask him how he could do such a thing, but I'm not mad anymore. I now believe that he had already wrote your plan before I met you, before you were my sister, and before you became my best friend. The plan he wrote wasn't the one I had hoped for, but I am now accepting it, because I love you and loving you means letting you go where the pain isn't. He gave us you for 14 years and 14 years is better than not knowing you at all.
Thanks for being the sister I always asked for. You will forever live on in all of our hearts.
Until the day we meet again,
Your "Big" Sis
