When I was around 12, I watched The Hunger Games with my mom in my town's movie theater and realized that unlike most girls my age, I didn't want to be Jennifer Lawrence and I actually wanted to bed Jennifer Lawrence (as well as Josh Hutcherson, of course). This was the moment I realized I was bisexual.
In my junior year of high school, I made the choice to openly identify as bisexual. I wasn't too worried about how this information would be received as I was lucky enough to grow up with a family and in an area where there was little judgment and stigma attached to homosexuality. The first person I told was my mother and to my shock and horror the first thing she asked me was "Are you saying this because men find it attractive?".
At the time I was angry at her for thinking I would be dishonest about any part of myself for a man and felt incredibly invalidated. Once I explained that no, this was not the case, I was given only support and understanding. Looking back at this moment, while it wasn't appropriate for that to be her first question and assume that I would lie about my sexuality for a man, I now understand why she asked this.
In my dating experience every single man that I have been romantically seeing, upon telling him I identify as bisexual, has asked if I would have a threesome. While there is nothing wrong with polyamory, I persistently wondered why being attracted to two genders registered in men's minds as being synonymous with non-monogamy (I am a serial monogamist).
One cultural shift that has occurred in my lifetime is that sexual education is no longer sexual education and instead pornography is becoming sexual education. The vast exposure to all things sexual has expanded our understanding of what sex is and who wants to have sex with who and how. The voyeur is all of us and the object being viewed is most often female bodies. Bisexual woman are represented in porn almost singularly in context with both a male and female partner. What is then extrapolated from this is that bisexual women are loose with their sexuality and open to having sex with multiple partners. This a stereotype. Stereotypes can be true and often are but they are damaging because they generalize an entire population.
This stereotype has pervaded my dating experience so much that I've had to turn off viewing women on dating apps because their accounts are sometimes run by men inquiring about group sex with their female partner. These accounts are usually not forward about seeking this and somewhat assume that when they ask this will be met with equal enthusiasm as being with just the individual on the account. Again, non-monogamy is valid and no one should be apprehended for seeking polyamorous sex or relationships. However, when assumptions regarding sexual preference is attached to an individual's sexuality there is a problem.
Identity is highly individualistic and personal. When someone takes the leap to express theirs it is disheartening that they are met with fetishization. I encourage all of us to reflect on our judgments, assumptions and discourage us from projecting our wants onto others who do not reciprocate them.
