Ever since I could remember, I never truly loved myself. I never liked who I was, I was constantly putting myself down, and I just never felt good. Until this year, I have never truly loved who I was or what I was doing. That all changed this year when I made a promise to myself on my 19th birthday in February 2020 to start loving myself.

I hit my lowest point in January 2020

Early on in 2020, I went through a depressive episode, and I was at my lowest point. So low that I was thinking of dropping out of school because I was so disappointed in myself.

I decided to turn my life around on my birthday, when I finally opened up to my family and friends that I was struggling, and that I wasn't going to hide who I was anymore.

I made a promise to myself

After my birthday, I started to go to the gym almost everyday, and I made a schedule for myself of what I needed to do. I tried to grab most meals with friends to catch up and stay in touch with them. I was getting so much better within the next month, between my personal, social, and school life, I was thriving.

Then Covid sent us home

When Covid hit, I was afraid that I would fall back into destructive patterns, and that I would stop taking care of myself. That I would completely isolate from my friends again, and shut everyone out. I was working so hard on heading in the right direction, I couldn't let myself slip up.

A lot has happened in the past 9 months of Covid, but I wasn't all bad. Now yes, I missed being at school and seeing my friends, but I made sure to text them every few days and even facetime them so we could stay in touch. I got really close with one of my best friends from high school again, since she goes to school in North Carolina and I don't get to see her too much. I also got really close with my friend Jackson who I had just met a few weeks before Covid hit.

I know no one wanted Covid to happen, but some good things came out of it

I have been able to spend a lot of time with my family, from being sent home early from spring semester, to now being home since thanksgiving; I would have never gotten this time in a normal year. I became extremely close to my friends, since we can't see each other, we facetimed at least once a week and texted basically everyday.

I started to take care of myself, from eating better to saying positive things instead of constantly tearing myself down. I have gained so much confidence in who I am, and I am never turning back.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days where I just don't feel good about myself, but I think everyone does. I will never be 100% positive all the time, but I have made great steps to truly loving myself for who I am and who I'm going to be.