I’m not sure of how many experience this, or if it only happens to those who catch themselves thinking too much. On some occasions I find myself waking up in the morning with the urge to know my purpose. I ask myself what I will become, and I wonder if I’m doing all the things that were meant for me to accomplish my purpose; whatever that may be.

What will happen after I graduate with a degree with nothing but a heavy debt to repay and a mind full of knowledge; what goals will I reach, what goals will fail me, and will I be happy with who I have become? Will time be on my side or will it run away from me; will my being be content with the life I live and the things that become common to me? Or will I just always wonder what will become of myself in the future; will I always be so perplexed with the idea of my future self?

My thoughts always wander into places that they don’t belong, but my brain allows them. I often wonder if I should be optimistic about the fact that I am so curious about my being and the world and outcomes around me, but I often become bothered by the fact that I can not stop thinking about the same subject without having any clear or definite answers to my questions.

I do believe that life is something that can not be easily explained and the outcomes of every single, separate life are unbelievably infinite. Life does not come with a manuscript or an overview; isn’t it kind of scary to just belong to something that has no certain beginning, end, or even definite meaning; isn’t it scary to live without understanding? If you’ve never thought this way, then I am happy to have let you enter my mind for a brief moment.

If you’re someone who sees life as a journey I would like to ask you your destination. Where do you see this journey taking you, because I’m almost positive you can not tell me, or anyone. Yes, you’re on this long journey that goes on for decades, but wouldn’t you like to know where you’re going before all the time is gone; what if the destination you reach is not one you enjoy?

I’ve heard people say, “Live your life to the fullest, you never know when it will be taken away.” That is very true in a sense, but on my end, I am just trying to figure out what I am living to the fullest. I want to know what life is, and where I am supposed to belong. What if you are on the wrong path and you don’t even realize. That’s what I have come to terms with. We will never realize that we are not doing what we are intended, because we can never truly know if anything was even intended for us in the first place.

I apologize if I’ve opened a door, slammed it and locked it in your face; I apologize if you are going to think about things like I do after reading this. I just can’t get myself to apologize for how perplexed I have become with life and the meanings it keeps so secretly from all of us. Life is what we believe it to be, that is why it is defined so differently from one person to another.

Obviously after reading this you know that I have no understanding on this subject. One thing I do know is that I seem to agree with everyone when they say that life isn’t fair. I believe that life has us all waiting and wondering, and I don’t think it has any intention of ever making us aware of it’s sole purpose.