This article is a response to http://www.returnofkings.com/123929/8-essential-t.

Mr. Jean-Batave Poqueliche,

I am 5"11 and 135 pounds.... I used to think that because I did not have the perfect abs, the slimmest of thighs, that I was fat, and was not good enough. I used to think like you did, that my body weight determined everything about me. But the fact is, it does not. These "essential tips" are hardly suitable for any girl regardless of what her body weight is, and that is why I have decided to comment.

The fact is, the description of being fat is not limited to a certain body weight. Take Ulrikke Hoyer for an example. She was fired from a Loius Vuitton fashion show for being too fat. She was a size four... a size four!!! The average pant size for a woman is a 16. You defined fat as being "overweight" and "not slim".

In addition, you used a Dove beauty example of a girl saying true beauty does not squeeze into a size 8. Then proceeded to ridicule her and more woman like her. These seem more like body traits, not actual numbers. Bodies are built differently. People of healthy weights still might not be slim. It depends on their body structure. So no, I am not a size four, I am not a fitness model, and I am not very slim. I am fat too.

Tip 1: "Compensate with other qualities"

Kindness, like you said is "paramount". Unfortunately, you seem to lack it. "Without being stupidly friendly, don’t let the rage created by your ugliness translate to other people." Since I am comfortable with my body, I find it unnecessary to listen to your comment about "my ugliness".

In addition, being a homemaker is a wonderful and beautiful privilege. But doing good to people around me and myself entails the fact that work is also important. No surprise but we fat people can pursue whatever career we want to as well.

Tip 2: "Be Realistic about the situation"

Sometimes people have to lose weight for health reasons. In that case, they, unfortunately, do not have the "privilege" of losing weight slowly over time. And a person's health will not be compromised because you prefer to see women without, "scars, excess skin, and squishy flesh." We are going to do what is right for us, regardless of your opinion on how we look.

Tip 3: "Do more exercise and eat better"

Exercise and eating better is actually good advice. But it should be a personal choice, not because some condescending article on the internet told a person too. Eating healthy and exercising is a great way to take care of our bodies. But it has nothing to do with wanting to fit in with your personal standard of beauty. It has everything to do with finding power and beauty within ourselves.

Tip 4: "Stop consuming the mainstream media"

Your point about getting off the internet because random people will tell you lies about how beautiful you are can also be reversed. Perhaps we should get off the internet because random people will tell us lies about how ugly and inadequate we are. You suggest that we should not believe in fables like "fat acceptance and "body positive" trends. Why then should I even take these suggestions to heart?

This article is what we call "fat shaming". We listen to body positive trends and love our bodies because to change the world we must start with ourselves. Advertising, commercials and the fashion industry is bent on reminding us every day that we are inadequate. Look at woman's magazines.

We are meant to feel uncertain about ourselves at every moment. But if we start loving our bodies, then we are able to make a positive change in the world. We can re-define beauty. This attitude of how "Men want pretty, thin women. It has always and always will be true" is not true at all anymore.

In fact, it was never true. Take a look at Renaissance art. Women are shown with full healthy figures. They are not forced to starve. I do not know what went wrong but I am fortunate enough to have great leaders to look up to. They are able to help young people like me find confidence in ourselves. This confidence is special because it is not reliant on what men want. It is unwavering.

Tip 5: "Accept that it is your fault that you are fat"

This comment, "Despite what Cosmo and Dove might tell you, you are not beautiful" is the reason why we need more of these beauty movements. You are right when you say our bodies are given to us. Then why shouldn't we love them? Why shouldn't we celebrate them? We have one body.

Instead of pointing out things wrong with them, we should take the time to take care of them. We only have one body. It sustains us and without it, we cannot live. Then why must we hate it? Our bodies have grown and developed with us; they are a part of who we are. So I will not choose to hate this "amazingly complex and effective machine". I will not let you tell me that I am destroying it by not fitting your notions of being slim.

Tip 6: "Stop being sluts"

You say that after you had sex with a fat girl, "they probably felt all right as they had the confirmation that they could score despite their fatness". I am not sure that having sex with a man who views "overweight girls as low hanging fruits or the promise of a sexual release that would save them of their incel misery" is a score at all. It seems more like she settled for something. In addition, your dating advice is unreasonable and completely not realistic.

"If you are single, focus on the issue at hand. If you are with a man, stay with him. If he leaves, let him go but don’t look for another one. When you are slim, find one good man, marry him and have children." So you want me to put my life on hold and slim down to your ideal image? Then once I am slim and viewed as "perfect by society", I will be good enough to find one good man and have children with him. We will not pause our lives to mold into your definition of beauty. We can live a fulfilling and beautiful life regardless of our pant size.

Tip 7: "Prevent further damage"

I am not a fitness model so apparently, I do not "match universal beauty standards" so you would rather sleep with her. Please go right ahead. We do not want you. We want a man who sees us as another human being, not as an object or a customized doll. Telling us how to cut our hair and what not to do with our bodies is no matter of yours to decide. Who gives you the authority to dictate our lives, our bodies, and our choices?

Tip 8: "Stop eating or drinking out"

Because I do not fit in with your opinions of beauty I am going to stop going out to restaurants. That sounds completely ridiculous.

Thank you for putting this article out there, "even if [you] know that reason and facts are not appealing to women". Let me clarify. These rude and condescending opinions are not facts. This logic must be too advanced for my "woman" mind.

In fact, they seem quite ridiculous to me. However, you did give me a reality check. I thought that we were over the days where men would judge a woman based off of her body. I thought we were passed the days where men were told by other men to "deal with it alone".

You did make a good point about emphasizing the importance of our bodies and how much power they have. But I think we must have the strength to keep fighting. Whether you are a size 4 or 16, 113 pounds or 230 pounds, abs or no abs.... we all need to stand up against this toxic idea. Make positive changes in your life because YOU want to for YOURSELF.

Positive changes in the community start by loving ourselves first. So yes, if being fat makes us lose out on men who retain these ideals, then it is a sacrifice we are more than happy to make because we are worth so much more. So thank you again. I thought we were passed the days of fat shaming others. But I am afraid I was wrong.