I grew up in a Republican household. I’ve known how to shoot a gun since I was 12 and I was even given a pistol for my birthday one year. I was always taught that it was my right to own a gun, and anyone who supported gun control wanted to take my rights away. This is what I was raised to believe. This is what I was told to believe.

But then, I was forced to watch as my country allowed its citizens to be gunned down. Mass shootings have become alarmingly common in my lifetime. As I have grown up, my fears have started to reflect the violence around me. My nightmares are no longer filled with monsters and ghosts like they were in my childhood. They are filled with the very real possibility of seeing my friends and loved ones gunned down on the way to class, or the images of my family crying over my casket because a terrorist was allowed to buy a gun. I have woken up in tears multiple times because the images of my friends’ and sisters’ dead bodies won’t go away. One of the scariest things about these nightmares is not that they could actually happen, but that it would mean nothing to the people with the power to change it. Our country has become numb to shootings. We shrug and we say, "how sad." Our elected officials say they offer thoughts and prayers, but do nothing to prevent it from happening again. These countless deaths mean nothing to them. If I was shot tomorrow, my government would not care. If my friends or family were shot tomorrow, they would not care. I know this because I have watched hundreds of people lose loved ones to mass shootings and nothing has been done.

In 2012, a lone gunman shot and killed 26 people, 20 of them being children, at Sandy Hook. This was the attack that changed my view of the Second Amendment. I remember thinking that something will be done to prevent things like this from happening in the future. Instead, conspiracy theories surfaced, some blaming Obama for orchestrating the attack and others claiming that nobody had been killed at all, that it was all some left wing creation for the media to get rid of guns. When I heard these theories, all I could do was pray for the families of the victims even more. My heart went out to them, not only did they lose their children, but now there were faced with hundreds of people refusing to acknowledge their loss. People claiming that the pain they felt was only an act for the media.

Then, only last month, 49 people were killed in the deadliest American tragedy since 9/11. Gun control laws were proposed in the senate but were voted down by elected officials who have decided to work for the NRA instead of the American people. Then I watched as members of the House protested to vote on gun laws. For a moment, I had hope that American lives actually mattered to the people chosen to represent them. But then I watched as House Republicans not only refused to hold a vote but tried to belittle the Democrats' efforts by calling it a publicity stunt.

I was raised to think of my country as The Land of the Free, but I have been forced to think of it as the Land of Fear. I have watched our government sit by and watch as countless people are murdered. My government is supposed to provide protection from harm, but it seems like all they are doing is making it worse. I have been forced to watch our lawmakers vote no on background checks that 92 percent of Americans favor, all because they fear losing the support of the NRA. They aren't trying to ban all guns, they just want it to be harder for bad people to get them. I understand that Conservatives love their guns, but I can’t understand why they want terrorists to have access to them.