My Presidential Bid | The Odyssey Online
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Politics and Activism

My Presidential Bid

Because our options are Trump and Clinton.

16
My Presidential Bid

Oh election season, how interesting you have been. Here we sit with two candidates that are absolutely horrendous. The idea of either Trump or Clinton running the country is completely terrifying. How did we get to the place? Is this real life? I don't understand, guys. I am at a loss. What am I supposed to do on election day? I can't vote for either of these humans. I know that many of you are in the same boat. BUT WAIT. I have the solution. I'm writing in my name for president, and you should do the same thing. I mean write in my name...not your name. Mine. I realize that I'm not old enough to technically run for president. However, both candidates have violated at least a trillion laws themselves. So, what the hell? Why not? I am officially announcing my candidacy. You heard it here first. Vote Gretchen Vetsch on election day.

These are the reasons why I would be better than Trump or Clinton at running the United States of America:

1. I love not only puppies but also dogs.

You can't help but trust someone that has such a profound appreciation for canines.

2. I have not filed for bankruptcy.

I'm lookin' at you, Trump.

3. I tell jokes that you could find in a joke book, and I am an avid user of puns.

Global leaders could never be mad at someone that says, "You have goat to be kidding me." There is no way that Putin wouldn't want to be homies with me when I tell him my "why did the chicken cross the road" joke.

4. I never delete e-mails.

I probably have 1,543 unread e-mails right now. Some, HILLARY, cannot say the same.

5. I've become really good at Pokemon Go.

If that's not an impressive skill, then I honestly don't know what is.

6. I have watched all the seasons of Scandal and House of Cards on Netflix.

I know all of your tricks Washington D.C., you can't fool me.

7. My mom thinks that I'm cool.

Well, what if she didn't? Would you trust me then? Probably not.

8. Sometimes some people laugh at some of my jokes.

You need someone with an incredible sense of humor, aka me, to be the leader of the free world.

9. I'm not in it for the fame or the power.

I'll be real with you guys, I'm in it for the money. Guys, I have student loan debt. I dream of the day when I can buy name brand cheese.

10. I don't even know how to build a wall that big.

11. In first grade, I was line leader for a week.

I know what it means to hold a lot of responsibility.

So, listen. Election day is approaching quickly. Get the word out fast. I'm running for president. Write Gretchen Vetsch in for president 2K16, pals. We are all pals here.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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