Since National Coming Out Day recently passed, I thought it was suitable for my first article to be my coming out experience. As a member of the LGBT community, I have experienced every scenario that every other gay person has. What does that mean? It means, the stories and experiences are real. I have faced hate, discrimination, judgment, heartbreak and even self-hate. All the stories that you have heard about gay people are true.
I learned at a very early age that I was different from others. Not just different as in I was taller, chubbier or had a speech problem kind of way. I realized I had a strong attraction to girls. It was never something huge or I was lusting over one of my friends, but I looked at girls differently than boys. Who knew you could determine something like this in your elementary school years.
Though most of my close friends growing up were girls, I never had an attraction to them. Yes! Can you believe it? Just because a girl walks by a lesbian does not mean we want to jump their bones. Knowing I was gay through middle school and high school, I actually didn’t start dating girls until college. If fact, I dated guys – shocker! I would tell myself, “you don’t really have feeling like this” or “seriously what’s the hell is wrong with you!?” Accepting that you are gay is harder than other people accepting you for who you are.
I have only been out a little over two years and I am 24 about to be 25. It took me that long to fully accept who I am and love myself. My father’s family was raised very, and I mean very, Southern Baptist. My mother’s side, same, but not to the extent as the other half of my family. So naturally I was more afraid to come out to my dad over my mom. I told my mom first because I believed that she would take it better than my dad. I can tell her anything. I remember the day I did it. We had been working in the yard all day, laying mulch as we do every summer. When we were done we were sitting on her back porch, sharing a beer, trying to cool off. I told myself I was going to do it this day, not matter how it goes. I needed to be free. I told her I needed to talk to her about something. At that point, her face went blank, nervous about what I was going to say. I started crying before I could even get it out. All I said was “I am gay.” Three words. Her response, “Oh, okay!”
A few weeks later she told my dad for me because I was too afraid. The day he found out he called me and said, “I love you no matter what”, and finally I was at peace. I could finally be me all the time. No more fear, no more hate, no more lying and pretending to be someone I didn’t even know.
Coming out is truly one of my greatest accomplishments. Because when you come out, you are coming out as your best you. After all, isn’t that the most important thing in your life? Words of advice, set yourself free if you haven’t – it is 100% worth it. Love yourself no matter what and just be you!
