Before there is any confusion, I am a fan and have nothing but much love for Ash Ketchum and his squad of ambitious trainers. I am quite fond of the Indigo League. If I were a character in this prestigious series, I would totally add Professor Oak on the Snapchat. But, as we all know, Professor Oak does not have a Snapchat. He's too busy.

Moving along, once this app came to light everyone and their homie g's knew about it. It swarmed the nation. I am the first to admit, I had to catch em' all. My friend and I would go on drives all over creation in search of Squirtles, and Arcanines. It was so much fun. I would be like "Pull over homie, a Caterpie is nearby." And she would be like "What's a Caterpie?" Then she would see the intricacy of me catching this beautiful Pokemon and understand the love for the worm delight.

This is where the beef comes into play, I have zero problem with Caterpie; he's a cool dude. But Northwest Indiana is freaking filled with them. I kid you not, the excitement to catch a Caterpie fades once you turn every corner and a Caterpie is there at your beck and call. Or Rattata, that little mouse is everywhere. It's bologna.

Furthering my Pokemon training, I ventured into the land of Chicago. Yes, I was down by the Oriental Theater, going to see the swankiest musical in town: "Spongebob the Musical" (10/10 would recommend). I caught a Jynx. Let me fill you in on what a Jynx is, my peers. According to the Pokemon database, Jynx is a ice/psychic type. Jynx is a human-shaped Pokemon with Kylie Jenner lips. I am 100 percent positive Jynx does not use lip injections to achieve that saucy look. Also, they have the hidden ability of Dry Skin, so if you're into putting lotion on the skin, I'd steer clear of this one. I don't know what it was, but my initial reaction was: I just caught the coolest looking thing on the planet. Thus beginning a beautiful, virtual friendship.

Jynx and I were such pals, you know. Had this been the actual Kanto region, I would have wandered around with Jynx by my side, as if they were my Pikachu. That's love, man. I was so confident with my Jynx by my side, and Valor as my team. I decided it was time. Time to take on a gym. I was so amped up. I headed to the nearest gym and was ready to slay. When I arrived to the area, I noticed the gym had Jolteon as it's reigning leader. I'm not going to lie, Jolteon is like cat Pikachu, and nobody messed with Pikachu. You think someone's going to mess with a cat Pikachu? Well, I did. I unleashed my Jynx on the screen and I was ready to throw hands. But as I was in the preparation to throw hands with my Jynx, I realized the battle had already begun and I had entered the dojo of master Jolteon. I was no match. And I was thoroughly, thoroughly slaughtered. I felt shame and hunger (McDonalds was down the street, so we were OK on Poffins for human level.). But most importantly, I let down my hypnotic and funky fresh home skillet.