I said to myself that I wouldn’t be that person. After the election I didn’t make a long status explaining how I felt, or vent on social media.

But this article is not for anyone else, but more me.

These words are my thoughts, and I want to put them down in writing in order to help myself move forward.

I am a democrat.

Always have, and always will be. But that is not my all-defining feature. I am a daughter, a friend, a volunteer, a lover of hockey and all things food related.

I am not solely my political party.

Needless to say I supported Hillary during this past election cycle, and when I saw Florida slip from our grasp the true reality of the situation hit like a ton of bricks. I was watching the election in a friends room filled with people who were reassuring me that we “still got this” “it’s too early to tell” “don’t worry she’s going to get the other states” but when slowly but surely those ‘other’ states started to slip away, those of us in the room were left with a chilling reality.

I went to bed before the final announcement was made. I was in shock. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream. I truly didn’t feel a thing.

I thought I would wake up in the morning and a Hail Mary would have occurred and I would be looking at our first woman President.

But as we all know, the election took a turn for the unexpected and now the United States is facing four years of Donald Trump.

Let me preference this portion of the article by saying this:

I do not hate Donald Trump for being Republican (or so he claims).

I do not hate Donald Trump for winning the election.

I do not hate Donald Trump for beating Hillary.

I do not hate Donald Trump for coming from a business background.

I do not hate Donald Trump for taking controversial stances on political and social issues.

I do not hate Donald Trump for challenging political norms.

I dislike Donald Trump because I feelhe does not represent the best and brightest aspects of modern day America.

I dislike Donald Trump because he makes me feel as though my nation, my home, is not the land of the free, and home of the brave—but the land of the selected few, and the home of the scared.

Trump in my own eyes does not represent inclusivity, or compassion. He does not represent understanding, compromise or respect.

Trump to me, is like the bully on the playground who never quite grows up, but continues to yield power with those around him.

I understand that this country is not perfect. I understand that there are those who are not of a minority background that are struggling in this nation—and are looking for a leader who will make them feel represented and appreciated.

I do not neglect the fact that Donald Trump, to some, is exactly what they want and what they feel they need.

But it is here that my moral dilemma begins.

Donald John Trump scares me.

I am a straight, white woman, and he terrifies me to my core.

I am not a minority, I am not gay, nor Muslim. I am not considered ‘other’ in this nation yet still I am left feeling scared, and alone. Which can only lead me to guess what people who are considered ‘other’ are feeling right now.

I know people who voted for Donald Trump, people who are close to me and people I care deeply about.

After this election I am left with an odd sense of loneliness because I am struggling with the reality that those close to me who voted for Trump, well at the core of our beings we are fundamentally different people. So how do I move forward with them? Every time I look at them, how do I get past the man they voted for?

Regardless of my political alliance or my investment in our national economy—nothing, I mean nothing could lead me to vote for a Presidential candidate who spewed such bigoted, misogynistic, and racist comments throughout an election campaign.

Some of my dearest and closest friends and family members are gay, are different races and different religious backgrounds—and they mean the world to me. So how could I or anyone I know, vote for someone who so blatantly disregards people that I love?

Just because someone is different, or unlike you, that doesn’t make them bad, undeserving of respect or downright evil.

There comes a point in everyone’s lives when you have the opportunity to put others before themselves, to make sacrifices for those around you—and this election serves as a perfect example.

Just because you might not be ‘other’ that doesn’t mean that Trump’s upcoming policies won’t affect you—and what about your friends who are gay, or black, or Muslim? How do their lives change after his inauguration?

I was very, very, angry in the days following the election.

I felt abandoned and astonished that so many people in this country were ready to take 20 steps back instead of moving progressively forward in a manner that solidified equal rights for everyone—but for some, they don’t want or don’t care about equal rights for everyone.

This is something, although very difficult for myself to wrap my head around, is a right that people have.

Yet the greater problem that has arisen from this election is that along with electing a President who has no regard for large minority groups in this nation, by electing Donald Trump we have legitimized everything he has said and done.

Don’t worry about a little thing like consent, just go ahead and grab what you want. Why? Because our soon-to-be President says its fine, I mean he did it, so it must be okay?

Donald Trump has left me feeling shocked, alone, and angry and above all things, scared.

I worry for those who are not valued by people who support him, and I worry for my fellow women. I worry that in these next coming years we will slowly be stripped of the available care that is offered to us, regardless of whatsituation.

The day after the election I broke down in hysterics in the middle of the shower after realizing that as a modern woman in the 21^st century I could have to fight for control over my own body in the next coming years. Which bewilders me because I would never try to tell someone what he or she could and could not do with his or her own body.

I am struggling to come to terms with what will soon become “Trump’s America.” But I am having an even harder time working through my emotions regarding my friends who voted for Trump.

These are my own words, and thoughts. I am not here to persuade anyone or make someone feel lesser than they are. Regardless of whom you voted for, that is your God-given constitutional right and you can choose to do whatever you please with it. I do not agree with the results of the election because I am afraid of what this country will become in the years to follow, but I am hopeful that there are others who feel the same way that I do, and that our Founding Fathers created a system that will adequately check and balance Trump throughout this Presidency.

You cannot fight fear with anger, or anger with fear.

The sun will rise tomorrow and it will be a new day. I will come closer to finding acceptance and a middle ground to stand in regarding my friends. I am afraid about what is to come, but optimistic that it will not be as bad and I imagine it will be.