This is not something I thought I would ever be publicly writing, as it’s a topic I never thought I would personally have to speak of. This is something that happens to so many women, but yet it’s also something you feel like could never happen to you.
“Me too.”
Whether it’s something as horrible as a sexual experience you do not give consent to by any means, or something as simple as being cat-called, it’s something that can happen to anyone. However though, the magnitude of the problem doesn’t truly sink in until it happens to you.
“Me Too.”
This is absolutely something that can happen to individuals of every gender, but did you know that compared to men, who one out of every thirty-three get sexually assaulted, for women these numbers are one out of every six?
“Me too.”
It took a really long time for me to be able to truly understand what sexual assault and sexual harassment were, but not because I didn’t understand it, but because since I never thought that it would happen to me, I didn’t pay a large amount of attention to the problem. I went to a good and safe high school, I lived in a small but nice area, and I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a great group of friends. While I did have my own personal obstacles I was dealing with, it was never anything truly horrible that I couldn’t find ways to deal with. This was until I entered a relationship with a guy - whose name and time period of relationship I am keeping private to protect their identity - who did not treat me right on so many levels. In this relationship, I was made to feel inferior, as if all of my accomplishments were never nearly as good as his, and worst of all, that my body was simply there for pleasure purposes.
The first red flag happened within just two weeks of our relationship where I was not asked, but demanded through Snapchat to do this, and I quote, “Take your shirt off and send a picture.” I was strong enough at the time thankfully to stand up for myself and say no to this, but this ended up scarring me a great amount at the time. I remember I stayed up until two o’clock in the morning on a school night crying on the phone with my friend, while she helped me through me having a panic attack. Unfortunately, I ended up apologizing to him several times throughout the night after that and the next day because I was more afraid of losing him than I was to lose myself.
In the time after this while we were dating, my achievements were overshadowed by his own, my good grades belittled by his straight A’s in every one of his advanced placement classes, I was pushed aside as one of his last priorities while he was my first, and even something as simple as my loves and interests he could not find within him to embrace. However though, I stayed. I thought because I had someone, someone who liked me back, that it was all I needed to be happy in a relationship, but that is so far from correct. The true red flag, other than being one of his last priorities, was when I truly felt that I was just a piece of flesh that was with him for his own pleasure. There was a night where I was just recovering from being sick, but he wanted to come over anyway to be there to comfort me. This was the night where my fear of rejection really came to bite me in the ass, but this was in no way, shape, or form my fault. I told him beforehand as well as when he came over, and made it completely clear, that I did NOT want to engage in any sexual activities on account of me still feeling under the weather. However, to him this did not mean a single thing.
“Me too.”
It took me about two years after this relationship finally ended for me to truly realize what had happened that night, and looking back it still feels so surreal. Although it did sink in at some point, because of how numb I was in that moment and how afraid I was to stand up for myself again because I thought I’d lose him, I learned so much of what I need to know about relationships and respect from that one night.
This was not the only time in my life I was sexually harassed, as it has happened to me at work based off of my sexuality, as well as on my college campus by a man who saw me for just a body, disregarding my rights as a woman and as a gay individual. It is a problem, a problem surrounded by so much stigma and so much disregard at times and we need work harder to change that. This “me too” campaign I’ve seen all over the internet truly opened my eyes, as I saw post after post of other women, many who are my friends, publicly making a statement how they’ve been through this too.
“Me too.”
It can happen anywhere, anytime, with anyone, regardless of what we are wearing or doing.
There is NO excuse.
There is NO “asking for it”.
There is NO defending who did it just because they have a reputation to maintain.
We need to look at the statistics in front of our faces that show how widespread and real this problem is, we need to stop opening cases and “investigating” for weeks to allow other people to decide for us if we were assaulted or harassed or not, and we need to stop the fear of telling people about it because of potentially being ridiculed, disregarded, or not believed.
If you are someone, like myself, who has been sexually assaulted or sexually harassed, you must know that there is someone who will believe you, that your feelings and what you experienced are all valid, and the most difficult but most helpful thing that you can do for yourself is to speak out. Speak out, and never stop speaking, and never let anyone quiet you. There are going to be people who don’t believe you, and there are going to be people who won’t take you seriously, but do not let them quiet you. You have countless women by your side, strong, empowering, women, who are all ready to fight with you and for you. Especially all of the women, who said
“Me too,” too.
