Dear incoming freshmen,

So you’re here. You’ve made it – not quite there yet – but you’re here. The real world. By now you’ve probably committed to a school, submitted your tuition deposit, the works. And chances are, it feels amazing. As it should. You’re reaching the end of what is likely to have been a long, difficult, and strenuous adventure, and gradually climbing up the ladder of higher education. You are so much closer to the things you have been looking forward to since the inception of your journey: prom, graduation, and – of course – college. Exciting things await you. For some of you, it may have been a breeze. For others, it may have been a confusing and eye-opening time. I’m not here to burst your bubble or anything, but what I am here to tell you is that no matter what your experience – from this point forward, for all of you – life is about to get very, very real.

It’s going to come at you fast. It’s going to refuse to slow down. It’s not going to take anything from anyone, including you. And perhaps most importantly – keep in mind, this is one thing you’re going to have to remember and carry with you for the rest of your life if you want to remain practical – it’s not going to get any easier. So, what does this mean?

Well, as my all-time favorite lyric from my all-time favorite song “W.A.Y.S” by my all-time favorite artist Jhené Aiko states, “life only gets harder, but you gotta get stronger.” (This would’ve been my yearbook quote, but – let’s just say – one of the downfalls of my senior year was that the yearbook committee definitely didn’t have their crap together.) It also means you have got to be prepared.

My senior year of high school was the best, craziest, wildest, and most unforgettable year of my life thus far. For so many reasons. It was also one of the calmest, most carefree, and lax. What I did not expect, however, was the strain and anxiety the year succeeding it would be.

For me, it hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. I would be lying if I said I haven’t had it that rough, or that the transition between high school and college wasn’t singlehandedly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure. This has easily been one of the most stressful, challenging, and hellish years of my life. My mind has revisited some very dark and abysmal places it hasn’t seen since my middle school days. Ventured the nooks and crannies of cities in me I thought I’d long ago burned and never have to give tours of again. Strolled up and down the corridors and ugliest alleyways imaginable of my deepest lodged memories.

It may be like this for some of you. Maybe it won’t be. I pray it isn’t. Maybe it just was for me, a South Asian American female who commutes to school and back almost every day of the week and comes from a guarded household with very strict, overprotective parents and very little freedom. Regardless, I want all of you to be prepared, not just for this chapter of your life, but for any and every chapter that follows. And if – like me – you’re a person of color who isn’t all that intrigued by the party scene or Greek life, with as crazy a family as mine, what happened to me this year might happen to you, too. But again I reiterate, I pray it doesn’t.

I remember sitting at orientation and scoffing at the social worker who had come to speak with us about the opportunities we had access to if we ever needed someone to talk to. Counseling? Pfft, this is college. A place where I can finally escape all my demons and they can’t find me. Ah, little did I know…

If anything, they got to me faster and attacked me deeper than they ever had before. They knew exactly where I would be and when to wound me. How naïve I was to think they couldn’t or wouldn’t dare try. The reality of it is, every single one of them came back to me in a fleeting moment at the start of the year and only intensified as time moved onward. I contemplated getting help many times, even begged my parents to help me get the help I needed, but things only grew more and more complicated, and I only grew further and further apart from everyone around me and deeper and deeper into a world of my own.

Don’t be like me. Talk to someone you know and trust. It will make all the difference.

I also remember walking around the rec center with my friend and how worked up we were about all the clubs we would be joining and time we would have to dedicate to them, signing our names off on every roster for every organization that interested us even remotely. We had never been that involved in extracurricular activities in high school, and this was our chance. But like I said, life comes at you fast. It’s all fun and games until you’re drowning in schoolwork and your studies. Before you know it, there is no time for all the fun and games it all appears to be.

Sometimes you’ll get so caught up in the blur of things you do things that are a little out of the ordinary, even for you, and that’s okay. You’re young. You’ll make mistakes. Give yourself the time and space to make them, and learn from them. But other times you’ll get so caught up you forget to take care of yourself, and this is not okay.

Please, no matter what happens, please always take care of yourself.

No good can come from letting yourself, your mental health, and your wellbeing wither away. I promise you. You can get up. You can brush your hair every morning. You can make it to that 8 AM class. You can go the week without skipping a single meal. You can do it all. If there’s no one else to prove it to, prove to yourself that you can do it. I know you can. I believe you can. If no one else does or you think no one else does, I do. I believe in you.

Yeah, it’s been a rough year. (That doesn’t mean yours has to be. It could be one of the most exhilarating years of your life. I hope it is. Just keep an open mind. Always be prepared. For whatever life may throw at you.)

But some good has come from it and I’ve found a way to turn all that around.

In retrospect, I didn’t make a lot of friends right away. I didn’t expect to. After a long history of failed friendships and relationships, I’ve learned to choose my friends wisely and become highly selective of who I let in my life and the company I keep. Depending on how social you are, you might not right away, either. That’s okay. Be prepared. Step out of your comfort zone, they’ll say. Just put yourself out there, they’ll say.Be prepared to get told this a lot. (Everyone in college has been a freshman at least one point or another, so I don’t get why pretty much all of themtell you to do this like it’s that easy.) So if you’re anything like my socially awkward self, (people say I’m outgoing – I don’t know how – I guess fake it ‘til you make it, baby) it can be kind of intimidating.

Speak to anyone you can in your classes. Familiarize yourself with fresh faces. They’re a hell of a lot friendlier and more mature than that one boy on the football team you should’ve known was trouble or the girls that would always whisper in the hallways and gossip about everybody, trust me on that one. If they completely blow you off, (high probability says they won’t – it’s college and everyone could use a friend) what can ya say? At least you tried. But if they don’t, it could be the blossoming of a beautiful friendship. After all, that is how I made one of my first friends in college. I have had the opportunity to make new connections with new people in the same residential hall as her and befriend some of the coolest people I am closest with now… all thanks to her. So really, what harm can come from just saying hi to someone, maybe getting a couple numbers? Just do it. It sounds cliché, but… you’ll never know if you don’t try. You really won’t.

And if you’re really shy, don’t worry. Someone will notice you. Someone will approach you. By the time the spring semester came around and I was comfortable enough in my new environment, I became that someone. I notice the shy person in the room because I have been that person. I haven’t lost complete hope. I know there are others out there like me. They’ll see you. You won’t go unseen by the truly observant ones.

As for the emotional stuff, as I reflect… it’s something else I’m working on. That’s okay. I have learned that you can have all the support in the world and all the people in the world that believe in you (which, don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for) but – at the end of the day – still feel lonely, depressed, suicidal, isolated, etc. I have learned how to cope with those feelings, especially on the days that I feel like I’m so annoying I just don’t even tell anyone because I fear I complain too much or agitate them with all my problems or scare them away with all my thoughts. I’m still learning. It’s a process.

I made a promise to myself that I won’t stop growing or learning, for as long as I live. I plan to live – and I mean, really live – not just exist. I think the remainder of my years in college are there for that. I think that’s what they’re there for you, too – because, see – college isn’t solely about growing academically and scholastically; it’s about growing mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

Be passionate. Be bold. Be opinionated. Be vocal about the things that are important to you, about the things that constantly make you want to be a better you, about the things that made you want to go to college in the first place. Make decisions that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Get whatever it is you’ve been pursuing as your lifelong dream or personal calling, and if you haven’t found what that is just yet, that’s okay – do that. Now’s your time. Don’t stop until you’ve realized and reached your full potential and gotten what you came hungering for. Be excellent. Be powerful.

Finally, back to high school. Appreciate what’s left of it. You only have a few weeks left. Savor them. I mean it. I know everyone says this to you and you’re probably sick and tired of hearing it, but: you’re going to miss it. I know I do. I swore I never would, and look at me. I still take trips down ‘memory lane’ more than I care to admit and swipe through all of the photographs and ‘selfies’ and saved snaps in my gallery of my friends and I from high school sometimes. I still hang out with them and I speak to them every day, but it’s not the same. Nothing will ever replace or be the same as high school. That’s just something we all had to accept. You’ll have to, too.

Enjoy the whole entire hour you get to have devoted to just lunch alone because Lord knows once you’re in college you won’t be able to tell when the next time you’ll be eating is, especially if you take four courses back-to-back with no breaks in between like I did this semester. There’s no telling just when your stomach will try to communicate with you during a lesson and end up forcing the whole class to listen to your conversation. If there’s that one little but crucial tip I haven’t quite given up just yet about being prepared, it’s to come prepared… with snacks. Your professor/instructor understands you need sustenance. You are going to need to heed this one, spare yourself the public humiliation and take my word for it.

So congratulations – you’re almost there. I genuinely hope you’ve enjoyed your senior year, because I know I did. I also know that after that, nothing was ever the same. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. So in addition to that, I genuinely hope you will be prepared for this incredible moment you so rightfully deserve and have worked so hard towards.

Welcome home, may you learn a lot and get all the more strong, even when life gets hard.

Love,

Someone who believes in you