I have written content like this before. But, I guess the message fell on deaf ears because I (and a looooot of other females) have seen no end to the assault, the misconduct, the stalking, the degradation, and the silencing. As long as these issues still persist, as long as women have to be afraid at every gas station, supermarket and sidewalk, I will keep fighting against it in a righteous anger that flows from the knowledge that abuse on the basis of sex or gender is an abomination to everything America says that it stands for. I probably sound angry, and that is simply because I am. I know a lot of people think I'm angry all the time (severe RBF for the win), but if someone being upset about a whole gender being denied base-level human decency makes you roll your eyes, maybe just check yourself.
For those who have never experienced this nauseating mix of fear and anger, allow me to explain. When you are being physically blocked, chased down, groped or "hollered" at, it can be terrifying and totally paralyzing. This week, I was cornered by a man who was getting too close to my face, insisting that I take him home with me. There were many people around who saw what happened, and did absolutely nothing to come help me. In that moment, I felt and thought SO many things that I felt I couldn't express to this man because I was scared of what he would do. Did he have a weapon? Would he just call me names and make the situation worse? In survival mode, temporary silence can equal a higher chance of finding safety.
That incident was just one of many. Too many. In an act of forgiveness, solidarity and downright frustration, I compiled a list of things I would say to that man, and to everyone who has convinced women and girls to live with their heads down. Everyone's story is different, but I think these declarations, boundaries and rules speak for more women than just myself.
My name is NOT:
baby
baby doll
big booty
bitch
coward
cunt
pretty girl
pretty lady
prude
slut
sweetheart
sweetness
"tattoos"
whore
You're right, I AM:
a church girl
angry
beautiful
bold
a feminist
feisty
gorgeous
hard to get
not into you
sensitive
shy
unimpressed
You are NOT allowed to:
feel me up in large crowds
follow me on foot or in your vehicle
grab and twist my arm to look at my tattoos
say inappropriate things to me at work
sexualize my livelihood
shout at me in the street or from your vehicle
tell me to be less angry about the way men treat women
You MUST:
recognize me as a human being
respect my "no"
treat me with decency and dignity
Despite you, I will CONTINUE to:
be kind
eat
dance
fight misogyny
get some sleep
leave my house at night
hustle
learn
love others
praise God
wear heels when I go out
For the love of all that is good in the world, stand UP and SAY SOMETHING when you see women around you being mistreated and made to feel small. They need your help because their situation feels anything but safe. Lastly, to all the men who I know are upstanding, humble, loving individuals, call out your friends when you feel uncomfortable with the way they physically, verbally and emotionally treat women. This issue cannot find resolution until humane, respectful members of the offending party call BS on actions of another that snuff out the sanctity of ALL human life.
