Everyone can remember the day they met their best friend. For me it was a weekday afternoon in 2012. I was 17 and sitting on the couch of my therapist’s office telling her about the first of a few rough patches I’d encounter in my adolescence. My life as a seventeen year old was in a bit of a rut, and I needed a true homie. My therapist decided to introduce me to her friend. She figured we’d get along handsomely. “I want you to just breathe” she said. “You don’t have anything else do to right now except focus on your breath. Say to yourself ‘breathing in I know I’m breathing in. Breathing out I know I’m breathing out.’” From then on it was the beginning of a lifelong friendship that would prove necessary for my every day life. I began going on incredible retreats designed for teens with a group called Inward Bound Mindfulness Education (iBme), which allowed me to explore the incredible network that is mindfulness the community.

Mindfulness is simply defined as present moment awareness. The practice of mindfulness meditation, yes it’s a practice, is a way to get in touch with your thoughts, emotions, and sensations fully as they happen from moment to moment. It’s one of the most useful tools to have in your cognitive toolbox and it’s always something you can seek refuge in. Mindfulness is everywhere, and once you learn where to find it, you can come back to it any time anywhere.

The common misconception about meditation is that you’re supposed to clear your mind completely and levitate over an alter of candles and incense. While an alter is nice, there’s no need to empty your mind completely and float, because that’s not necessarily possible. Sure, there are many types of meditation, mindfulness is kind of the exact opposite of clearing your mind. It might aid in the processes of that, but mindfulness is about noticing your thoughts fully and letting them float on by without sticking on them for more than the present moment. Mindfulness is a deep lesson on yourself, and how you think, and feel. It’s a tool to teach you radical acceptance, non judgement, and deep love for yourself and others.

Without my personal mindfulness practice, I can’t guarantee I’d be the rad ass human being I am today. This sounds type cliche-which everyone loves when it comes to writing- but finding a friend in mindfulness led me down this real cool path that has allowed me to look life in the eye with confidence, and make decisions that I wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. Sometimes I find myself moving through life too fast to pay attention to my good friend, but it’s quick to remind me to slow down and hang out with my breath. Even if it’s just for five minutes. If I’m anxious in a crowded super market, I get to call on my best friend and take a moment to explore the feeling of anxiety, and watch it dissipate.

Mindfulness has my back when I’m feeling so sad that I don’t know what to do with myself. Mindfulness can’t really hold my hair back while I throw up after drinking a bit too much at a party, but it can teach me a lesson on mindful consumption so I don’t end up dry heaving in a friend’s toilet. Mindfulness is always with me, because the only thing that’s constant in everyone’s life is the present moment. Basically what I’m getting at here is, I’m not selfish when it comes to my best friend. Mindfulness, while rooted in Buddhism, can be completely secular and help anyone with anything they ever do in their life. Even if it’s the most mundane activity, you can practice and experience the miracle of mindfulness. There are tons of resources to get you started if this is something you’re interested in, but it all just starts with “breathing in I know I’m breathing in; breathing out, I know I’m breathing out.”