There are days I find myself with absolutely no motivation to get out of my bed and go to classes, do homework, see my friends, and just do life. This isn't out of the ordinary for people with depression, especially college students. It's just another symptom of the disease that has taken control of our brains. Some days, my brain just gives the reins over to my depression, or its close friend, anxiety. Some days it allows me to control my thoughts and feelings and motivations. Those are the best days. I love those days. They're just not every single day.
Since I have these issues with my mental health, I have to constantly remind myself that I'm not lazy, dumb, or whatever else my brain tries to tell me, and not let the monsters of anxiety and depression take control. Medication helps, having friends who understand me and care about me help, but at the end of the day, it's just me and my thoughts. My thoughts that constantly tell me that I don't have any excuse to be sad or nervous, that everyone is more stressed than I am, that I am not worth putting any work into what I want, that I'm just lazy. But, I have to take the reins and remind myself that mental illnesses are just that, illnesses.
I've worn glasses since I was seven years old. When my vision was starting to get worse, I didn't just try to work around it, I told my mom that I couldn't read what the teacher was writing on the whiteboard, and we went to the eye doctor. I've worn glasses every single day since (except for two weeks when I lost them in a lake at summer camp and didn't tell anyone because I was scared I would get in trouble, but that's another story). If I didn't wear my glasses, I doubt I could even successfully brush my teeth (my vision is really bad y'all).
It's the same for my anxiety and my depression. They're something that isn't right in my brain, in the same way that my vision isn't perfect. I did ignore the constant nervousness, lack of motivation, hatred of everything, and emptiness for a while, just assuming it was a part of growing up. Once I finally went and got a diagnosis and began taking medication, I understood that I hadn't done anything wrong, and I wasn't looking for attention (like every single piece of media had been telling me). But my brain is sick and it needs help to function everyday.
Some days I don't feel as if I have total control of my brain and my thoughts; I get nervous about every little thing, and I lose any motivation to do anything at all (homework, showering, hanging out with friends, ect.). Most days I do have control (especially with medication). But on those bad days, I have to remind myself that it's not because I'm lazy, it's because my brain is wired differently.
I often remind myself of this by simply looking at what's in front of me: my glasses. I'm not dumb, lazy, or less because I have poor vision and I need an aid every day. It's the same with my mental health. Taking medication makes it easier for me to make it through the day, same as wearing my glasses.
If I forgot my glasses one day, I would expect my vision to be poor. Why should it be any different with mental health?
