My marriage isn't turning out to be what I imagined it would be.

And that's a really great thing.

I often imagined that my marriage would be much more volatile than it really is. I figured that he and I would argue a great deal. That there would be loud screaming matches over dumb things, like leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Or always leaving the laundry unfolded and never put away. Turns out, those little things, while cause for contention, never result in knock down, drag out arguments. Small tiffs, but much to my surprise, we don't ever argue like that. We are sly and snippy and both quick to apologize. I never imagined that my marriage scuffles would lack the volatility that I had in previous relationships. It's comforting and reassuring and thankfully, not as I thought it would be.

My bedtime routine with my husband is also not as I imagined. I always figured that he and I would wind down together, brush our teeth together, and go to sleep in the same bed. Oh how wrong I was about this one. He often dozes off on the couch long before I am upstairs. Sometimes he even wakes up there. I really always wanted the "good night my love" type marital bedtime. However, with the schedules we keep, and the snoring that he expels, I am grateful for the uninterrupted quiet of our bedroom and the appreciation we have for one another's rest.

Even our roles within the marriage are not as I have planned. My husband is the primary child care provider. I work outside the home. He cooks and cleans. (I do too, but almost daily, he is the one to get it started and going.) He is the emotional one. I am the disciplinarian. I really thought that once I married, I would change. I would soften. I would become a domestic goddess of sorts. I didn't, and my husband didn't change either.

That epiphany, that neither of us would change, made all the difference. Josh, my husband, is an individual. He is not a screamer when angry. He is a person of domestication and order. He is also a guy who likes to fall asleep on the couch to the Daily Show. Why should that change because we put in rings? It didn't, and shame on me for thinking that we would.