When I think of “unconditional love,” I think of couples that have tackled insurmountable odds to stay together.
You know, the type of romance you see in movies. Often, it’s the young attractive couple versus the world; no one seems to really “get” how perfect they are for each other. They believe that no matter what, the person they are with is the right person for them. No one else will do. And that's exactly the problem.
A love without conditions, without rules or barriers-to-entry? A love without expectations or room to walk away? That’s what we are promoting. And I can’t get behind it.
I truly believe a lot of women romanticize “soul mates” and “true love” because they are either attempting to replace parental love or find the parental love they never had. In the first case, you have a “daddy’s girl” who wants a man just like her father. This in and of itself is not an issue. But her father set the bar so high in her eyes, and no man could ever meet that level of ideation. The idea of a perfect mate is her father’s adoration for her times 1000. In the second case, women who have never received unconditional love from their parents look to men to fulfill that role. The second category is what I would like to address in this article.
Unconditional love is only meant for adults towards their children.
Humans are not built for unconditional love, which is why parenting is such a hard task for so many people. It is a practice in sacrifice and selflessness, traits that do not serve people well in the modern world. A lot of women have parents that were narcissistic and could not provide the emotional security we needed as children.
So what ends up happening?
The unconditional love and approval they should have received as children is projected onto the men they date. Typically, approval from our parents informs our idea of self worth. With adoring and emotionally present parents, we feel that we are deserving of love while also giving that love to ourselves. If that never occurred, every man you come into contact with will be a candidate for “unconditional love.” Every potential partner will be used to fill that void.
Love is meant to be conditional.
We should only love those who love us romantically. There is nothing noble about loving and caring for those who cannot do the same for us in return. Loving a man through “thick and thin” is very vague. At what point are women allowed to say, “I didn’t sign up for this?”
A lot of women will reject this idea because it seems shallow. But is it? If your basic needs emotionally, intellectually AND sexually are not being met, you are not obligated to stay. Your love should be conditional – this protects you and your assets. Don’t ever be so madly in love you are afraid to walk away from a man or a situation that does not serve you. The second you put a man on a pedestal, you are allowing men with abusive tendencies the opportunity to take advantage of you. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen.
Don’t channel your energy into loving a man beyond your capabilities and make sure you take care of yourself first. Love yourself and love the men you date.
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