Growing up, identifying as a male who is also attracted to males was something I would never have planned to ask for. But, at the same time, I would not ask for anything to be different about who I am today.

As a kid, some of the things I would do would give stereotypical reasoning as to how I later find myself attracted to the same sex; i.e.: playing Barbies and Polly Pockets with my cousin and sister, watching Sailor Moon religiously with a childhood friend, walking around in my mother’s heels all the time as a child, and encouraging my mom to let me go clothes shopping with her so I could help her buy things to make her look even more beautiful. Needless to say, as a child I was not completely interested with societal norms, much like today.

A few years later, I started middle school, and began to better understand myself. Around the middle of seventh grade, I told my best friend that I was attracted to a boy we went to school with. She laughed at my confiding due to the fact that she already had a hunch about it and was simply waiting for me to speak on the matter. As the time went on, I found myself only dating girls from school that I was attracted to, and only ever having two encounters with boys over the span of those three years.

From middle school to high school, my biggest worry was always the way I was going to be treated about who I was. Sure enough, not once was I ever beat up in the hall, shoved into a locker, or a victim of any other physically form of antagonizing by peers; maybe a verbal comment here and there, but for the most part I managed to handle things well. Even the time family members sent me a letter in the mail, along with bible verses, explaining to me how I could still be healed from what I am dealing with.

I think that my turning point was during my sophomore year when I wrote an essay on the importance of gay rights. I remember my dad looking at my topic and asking me if I was gay. I vividly remember that there was no hesitation in my response of a sharp “yes!” as I felt as though I had lifted a weight off my shoulders. It was slightly odd to, shortly after, remember that I had tried to tell both of my parents about this in middle school, but it had fallen onto deaf ears.

Now that I am in college, however, things are rather different. I’ve changed the way I carry myself over the course of two years, and now I am open with the fact that I like men, not in a way that I make it everyone’s business, at least I’d like to think. But I try to just go with the flow with it all. I make comment of seeing an attractive man across the street. I call my sister and we talk about boy problems. I go out here and there and have fun on random dates. It all feels like one big adventure.

One of the more interesting parts is actually dating itself. At this day in age, you can never go off stereotypical things to determine a person’s sexual orientation, because not everyone’s personality is spelled out on the surface level.I will say this: I have yet to have what I qualify as a legitimate relationship with another man. And that is just fine. My dad has asked a few times if I have a boyfriend, to which I have always responded with “no.” I think it’s reassuring that he cares enough to ask. I feel like my mom would do the same, but I have actually yet to directly tell her. I feel as though she has known, but she does not find it as big a deal to talk about. I know she loves me and just wants me to be happy as well.

Nonetheless, I love the person I have grown to become overtime. Being attracted to men has never really been awful. It is one of my favorite things about myself. I have met many amazing and supportive people who helped me along the way to accept myself and help me feel proud about who I really am.