As I continuously strive to be more like Jesus, I’ve realized that I am becoming more and more of a “Peter"—and no, not the TV character or the piper who picked a peck of pickled peppers. I am too similar to the Apostle Peter.

Before I go any further, I would like to clarify that I am not referring to the really cool parts of Peter like walking on water or being Jesus’s right-hand man, or even being a key leader in the early Christian church. Although those things would be mega resume-boosters, I am sad to say I have done none of them. What I have done is give into continuous moments of doubt denying the God I should.

However, like Peter, I am also a simple and humble heart who has been rocked by Jesus. Neither of us have an impressive pedigree. Peter was an ordinary fisherman from Galilee who is seen dropping everything to become a fisher of men, instead. I am a goofy college student from Retirementville, California who loves Jesus with my whole heart.

I would also like to mention that my life as a “Peter” has not been a life-long pursuit. I haven’t changed my name or done anything crazy in order to prove that our lives are basically the same separated by two millennia. In fact, my eyes were opened to this fact only a few weeks ago. As an intern in the Middle School ministry of my church, I was to present a message, per my pastor’s instruction. Of course, the message was focused on Peter, and more specifically, Peter’s repeated denial of Jesus.

I had very little understanding of who Peter was other than what I remembered from Sunday school songs. Like any other millennial Christian, I googled him. As various sites were giving me the same regurgitated facts, I did what I should’ve done in the first place and opened up th ol’ reliable, also known as my Bible. I was taken aback by Peter’s denial of Jesus. I could not understand how a person who was perpetually “on” in terms of his fire for Jesus could deny ever even knowing him.

Jesus had just been put on trial and Peter, worried about him, followed. But since Peter’s life could be in jeopardy by association, he hid in the crowds. As Luke 22:56-57 reads, “A servant girl noticed him in the firelight and began staring at him. Finally she said, “This man was one of Jesus’ followers! But Peter denied it. “Woman,” he said, “I don’t even know him!” He continued to betray Jesus in the same way two more times.

Peter and Jesus were buds. Then, some girl comes along and BOOM—the enemy allowed fear to step in and denial sank in. Upon reading this, I was hard-core judging Peter. Then, conviction hit me like a bus as I realized that I have allowed—and continue to allow—my selfish ambitions, poor choices, and rash decisions to deny Jesus. I can almost guarantee that I have done that more times than Peter’s three. Like Peter cutting off the ear of the guard in haste, I continue to forget that I do not know better than God.

Yet, Jesus still loves Peter fervently. Later in John, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him—three times, I might add. In spite of Peter’s poor choices, Jesus’s choice to love him and use him was more important. That is the type of person I want to be.

Peter never let his impulsive tendencies or large mouth keep him from living a life in pursuit of Jesus’s heart as his own—just as I hope to do for the rest of my days.