How weird it is to age...

On April 1st, 2017, I turned 19-years-old, and I honestly don't know what is going on. I barely ever felt like I was 18, and now it's gone forever. It's weird to think that if you are too busy you'll miss an entire year. I missed the first year of me being an adult, and now I can never get it back.

Of course, a lot of great things happened in this year, and I will never forget what they were. I just can't get over the idea that I am getting older. It's strange to think that, once-upon-a-time, I was only a baby without any way to care for myself, and now I'm a young woman that can do everything for herself she once couldn't. Just the idea that I couldn't feed myself once is beyond recognition, especially since it's impossible for me to remember that time.

I can only imagine what this birthday means for my parents. Their little girl is turning 19 years old. I'm off in college, voting in elections, and taking care of myself (for the most part). I wish I could express how thankful I am for everything they have ever done. From raising me to taking care of me even now. The fact that I have such amazing parents is something I am so thankful for. I only hope that as I grow older, I can make them prouder and prouder.

19 is a weird age. You're an adult, but you can't do certain things like buy alcohol. It seems like the middle age. Like when you cut your hair and it reaches that awkward length of short but long; 19 just seems like a dull age. All you're getting closer to is that one last rule and then you've unlocked all of your abilities. All you can do from there is continue to level up, but you might not necessarily get any reward for doing so.

I wonder where I'll be in a year from now. I mean, I know I will still be here, in school, hopefully, but will I finally be able to accept who I am? Will I still be hurt by things in the past that are forever burned in my memory? Will I still love to sing, play the marimba, or dance? It's impossible to know, and that's terrifying.

Life is such a mystery, and I feel like with each birthday I get more and more confused about what I should be doing. It's as if I'm lost on a side quest, and I can't find the portal back to where I should be. What am I supposed to be doing right now?

I can't wait to find out where I am going. That is the most exciting thing about my life right now. I'm turning 19 and I could be going anywhere. I still have so many paths I could take. The mystery is killing me, but also motivating me. All I want is to move forward to see just how much things will get better, how happy I can become, and what experiences will continue to help me grow.

Happy birthday, everyone.