If only God made a way for me to call you and talk to you... Well, the so many of you that are up in heaven watching over me and my loved ones. I felt it was time to talk about how death and disease has been a constant impact on my life, and how it has shaped my character and my view on life. It was time for me to write my letter to heaven to all my loved ones up there know that your death has somehow impacted and shaped my character into the young woman I am becoming.

To the woman I owe my dreams to, my grandma, I know you are up in heaven smiling down on me every day. I not only feel your presence because I am following in your footsteps and going to school to become a nurse just like you, but because I knew that if a woman as strong as you were to be such an incredible nurse, I can only hope to become half as good. Grandma, I wish you were here to see how your grandchildren are growing, we are all getting older and wiser. I always think of you on Sunday afternoons when my family and I would hop in the car to come and have Sunday dinner with you and grandpa and the rest of the family. I miss those dinners, now that everyone is getting older we do not do those as much as we use to. A lot has changed since you have left us and gone home to Jesus. Don't you worry, Grandma, we have Grandpa well taken care of, and he always will be. If only I could call you and tell you all this. We always visit you on Holidays and your birthday, but that is not where I feel your spirit. I feel you when I eat mashed potatoes on Christmas Eve, I feel you when I dust off your Hummels when cleaning the house for Grandpa. I feel your spirit when I eat brownies just like you use to make on Sundays for dessert. I feel your spirit when I see a pink sunset or sunrise knowing it is you showing me the beauty of heaven that awaits for me to one day enter into.I feel your spirit when I walk on a beach in the summer time. I feel your spirit when I wear one of the perfumes I was given after you passed away, they make me remember the warmth of your hugs. So, Grandma, this is my letter to you in heaven. I love and miss you every day and I know everyone else does too.

God Bless,

Your Granddaughter

To the man that taught me what true strength is, Uncle Ken, you were taken from us way too soon. The ups and downs of your life were tough, but you always managed to push through. Although I was only in high school when you passed away, you impacted me then. You taught me that no matter what life throws at you to never give up, especially when it is for your happiness or your family. I wonder what you think of how everyone's lives have changed so much since you've left us... Would you be disappointed in the people we have become? Or would be proud? I would like to think you would be proud of the strength we showed after you went home to Jesus. It was tough seeing my dad lose his only brother, and that is something I hope I never have to go through with my own brother. You taught me to laugh at the bullshit of this world, and to not let it get to me. I learned all about great cars from listening to you and dad sit there and drown on and on about them. I miss you, I miss your funny jokes around a large dinner table at family gatherings at Grandma and Grandpa's, I miss seeing your smile when you drove your Porsche around town with us in the back and the music cranked up. Every now and again I see someone with your exact old one, and I know it is you saying hello to me from heaven, to keep my chin up and to keep going. I miss you when I hear a song from The Eagles, or when I sit and listen to their album with my dad on a summer night. I miss you when I see purple sunsets because I know it is you driving down the highway in heaven in your red Porsche. So, this is my letter to you, Uncle Ken, while you are up in heaven, thank you for looking out for me up there.

God Bless,

Your Niece

I could write to so many more of you, but my heart cannot spill enough about all of you to do your lives justice. So, I hope my letters to heaven make it up there soon enough, and that I will be able to know you got my message one way or another. Even if it is subtle, I'm sure I will figure it out, but for now please continue to guide me and watch over me and bless me with the little reminders of you that so much have shaped my character.