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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To Depression

You are not what defines me

Kaley Scott

Nov 28, 2016

Influencers of the MidWest

Pexels

Dear Depression,

Living with you is hell. You make me want to sleep all day. I have no energy, no desire to do things, and most importantly no happiness. I have nothing when you are here. I look in the mirror, tears streaming down my face, and all I can think is How Can I Overcome This. I find my heart pleading to escape from you, while my mind races through all sorts of reasons why I am no good and worthless and shouldn't be here. I have times where I get overwhelmed by work, school, or just life in general, and I look in that mirror and my mind tells me I should just end it all. But my heart has something different for you, my heart tells me that you WILL NOT overcome me; at least not again. Years ago, you broke through my walls and left scars all over my wrists. I now sit and look down and see them sunken in my once beautiful arms and am reminded of what I had to go through, the pain I had to feel, the tears I had to cry, all because of you. I finally gained the strength and built my wall back up and was finally genuinely happy! I would actually have a real smile on my face when I woke up in the morning, not the fake smile you once made me put on. The laughs that escaped my mouth were real, not forced just so I wouldn't get asked what was wrong. I was living a wonderful life when you couldn't get through my wall of steel. However, now my wall is starting to rust and fall apart again. You are creeping back in, the way water creeps down a glass. I'm waiting for you to hit that table and for my earth to shatter again, to get to the point where I make new scars and more unbearable memories. Except this time depression, things are different. I still look in the mirror and tell myself I should just end it all, all while my heart screams no. Except for this time, I can listen to my heart. My heart, and slowly my mind, are telling me NO. You will NOT defeat me this time. You will NOT leave those scars. You will NOT own me. I WILL put a stop to this and I WILL be happy again.

And to everyone else battling any sort of disease remember:

Your disease does not own YOU. YOU cannot let them win. You need to look your disease in the eye and say

No! You are not what defines me. You are not what controls me. You do not get to choose how I live my life. You are not ME!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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