*I know I just posted about him last week, but what can I say? He's taught me so much and I can't shut up about him*
When choosing a college, I knew I wanted to go away to school. I wanted to be independent, I wanted to have new experiences and I knew if I didn't leave my hometown now, I never would. Not to mention, there aren't very many quality theatre programs close enough to my house. Settling on Pittsburgh's Point Park University was easy. Not only was it the only school I applied to, but it was the unique urban experience I wanted; it was also close enough to my house that I could come home on short notice in case of emergency, but far enough away that I would still have to brave any feelings of homesickness and stick it out.
Of course, there was a catch to this easy logic. I was leaving my boyfriend at home. I've been in one other long distance relationship, but it only lasted about 2 weeks because he decided that the college he was at wasn't for him. We stayed together long after that but I never really had to deal with the long distance. But this time was different. I refused to come home and give up on my dream for a relationship but I also refuse to give up on my wonderful relationship for a two hour trip on the highway. Many people told us to break up for various reasons: to have the "full college experience", to avoid inevitable trust issues and sadness. We didn't want this.
It's been extremely hard, I won't lie. We've fought, broken up (for about 12 hours), cried and I've been hit with terrible waves of homesickness and melancholy. Since I came to Point Park in August, I've seen my boyfriend for three weekends and one week other thanksgiving break. Seeing your favorite person for 15/115 days, as opposed to everyday in the summer, is a really difficult thing to cope with. Finding trust in someone you see, at most, once a month can be hard. Finding a reason to stay with someone who will be hours away for the better part of four years is a commitment but I wouldn't want it with anyone else any other way. That being said, it's no surprise that this long distance relationship has taught me a few things.
1. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Sure, you need to be physically and mentally attracted to the person you're with. But if you rely on feeling absolutely in love with your significant other every second of the day, then your relationship will not be sustainable. The most important part about love, is loving that person through the moments when you feel distant, when you're pissed off at them and on the days that you don't see or talk to that person at all.
2. Distance does make the heart grow fonder. This distance has done us some good. Time away has given us time to think, time to ourselves and the first time I saw him after I arrived here, was the best feeling I've ever had; it was like coming home after the longest day ever.
3.Making small efforts help relationships in BIG ways. This goes for any type relationship: friendship, siblings, etc. Small things that you do that might seem so insignificant to you, can make someone else's day. Being away from him has brought on some pretty terrible days but it always surprises me how a text back, a comment on my social media, a card in the mail, a compliment can absolutely turn my day around. Going with this idea, it's not all about the big things or at least it shouldn't be. Big presents and dates should enhance your relationship but if you feel like you need to spend hundreds of dollars on your significant other's present for Christmas or their birthday for it to mean anything, you're in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
4. Handwritten letters are SO MUCH FUN. Something about getting anything in the mail is just totally awesome. And sending out a surprise love letter and waiting to hear from the recipient to say they got it, makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and romantic.
5. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. To make this work, we have needed to talk more, be completely honest about any feelings we're having and the things that we're doing. Not only is communication, in my opinion, the root of trust, but when you don't see someone everyday, hearing from them twice as much is so important to keep the relationship alive.
Lastly, LONG DISTANCE IS POSSIBLE. Ignore the stigmas and all the naysayers. If you're approaching one and you're not quite sure, don't be discouraged. Staying loyal, being present and making it work is completely possible in a long distance relationship. Don't listen to the ignorance swearing up and down that all the girls in long distance relationships aren't loyal or that you can't trust a boy to not stray when he's left without his girlfriend. If you're loyal, you're loyal and if you're not, sooner or later you'll prove that truth about you; long distance isn't going to change that.
Honestly, the most important message I'd like to relay is if you're not in one, please don't repeat ignorant stigmas claiming that one of the significant others is cheating or that it won't last. Don't put that doubt in either person's head because you will never know how hard it is to let your walls down to trust someone miles and miles away until you're in a long distance relationship yourself. If you have any opinions about the subject that aren't encouraging and productive, (and I mean this in the kindest way possible) mind your own damn business, stay out of it and keep your mouth shut.
