My high school experience has been one with many up and downs but also a lot of adventure and surprises as well. The biggest surprise was the one I found in myself and how much I have grown and changed these past four years. When I was in middle school, I wasn’t the most outgoing person. I was incredibly shy, I wasn’t very social, and I didn’t have many friends since I didn’t fit in with my classmates. I was pretty much a loner; a lone wolf in a way while everyone else was in the pack. Because of all the loneliness I had in middle school, I was determined to make friends and be more of a social butterfly in high school. I did make friends my freshman year of high school, but at the time, I didn’t realize they weren’t my real friends.
Since I never really had any friends, my judge of character was very poor. When I actually did make friends, I was so blinded by the joy of being accepted that I didn’t see their true colors. Let’s just say, long story short, they used my kindness and my want to be accepted by people against me. It took me awhile, but thank god I finally woke up and saw that I was being bullied; that the people I thought were my friends weren't really my friends at all. They were just using me.
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I think what really hurt the most was that I changed my entire being, me entire person, just so I could fit in with these so called “friends” of mine. I felt like I was going back in time, right back to when I was in middle school. I was back to being that lost, lonely little eighth grader that didn’t belong anywhere. I was an empty shell of a person. My body was here, but my spirit was gone.
I was at an all time low until suddenly it hit me, like a brick was being thrown at my head. I changed for people because I wanted them to be happy with me, but then I was unhappy. Even though I was glad I had friends, I wasn’t happy with the person I had to pretend to be. I kind of understood what drag queens have to do except they do it for entertainment while I did it to belong.
I needed to do what made me happy, not what made other people happy. I needed to be true to me, not to anyone else because all that matters is that I like who I am not what others want me to be. When I transferred to my new school my sophomore year, I was a lot more guarded and more scared than my freshman year. New school, new people. I was bullied at my last school and I transferred in the middle of the year. Of course I was scared, wouldn't you be?
I didn’t want to be noticed. I wanted to be a wallflower, just another sophomore in the school, no one special. But that didn’t really happen because of what I was wearing. Two words: ALL pink. I had worn all pink to school because it’s my good luck color. What can I say? It makes me feel more calm. I also had trouble opening my locker, so I had to carry my very heavy backpack all around school. I would have asked someone for help, but I went back to that shy girl in middle school again. I couldn’t even look someone in the eye let alone talk to them. That day I had plenty of eyes on me, but it’s not like that made me any friends, just a lot of looks from people.
I was starting to get that hopeless feeling again, that I would never belong anywhere, until I started to join some clubs at school. At first I wasn’t all for it, but sitting on my butt watching Netflix isn’t really the best way to make friends. So I decided to put myself out there and join some clubs! I joined art club, writing club, audio visual club and even got into the musical three times in a row.
As that year when on and into my junior year, I slowly started to open up more to people, and showed my true colors. To my surprise, they didn’t shun me or stop talking to me. They embraced me and accepted me. I was as happy as that feeling you get when you're eating ice cream cake on your birthday.
Since sophomore year, I have totally changed. I still have my shy moments, but I’m more outgoing, I’m more social with people, I’m no longer afraid of what people think of me, and I can truly say that I'm actually happy at school. Now I look back on my high school days to who I am in college, and I can't even believe how much I have changed for the better. I know who I am and couldn't even imagine being someone else ever again. My freshman self at my old school would have never thought I could be the person I am now.
I’m very happy with the person I am today. If high school has taught me anything, it's to be true to yourself. As long as you do that you'll always be happy. It is hard to be yourself in high school, but you just have to be strong and keep your chin up. It's better to be you than follow the crowd, right? I had to learn that lesson the hard way, but I know now.
There is nothing wrong with being yourself. Just be who you are, the true you that shines like diamonds.
