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My Journal to Self Discovery: Day One

Finding myself again....

Jun 17, 2018

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Dedication: I would like to dedicate this piece to one of the most influential people in my life. This person happens to be my cousin's wife, Shawnae. I've known her for six years this July. I'm lead to believe we have the relationship we do because we are so incredibly similar. I am eternally grateful that I have been given the opportunity to have her as part of my life.

Those of you who are friends with me on social media know I'm taking a break from social media to try and focus on myself. I am currently on day two and I'm amazed. As part of working on myself, I've started a podcast series The Girl Kind broadcasted by Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth.

Now let's back up just a little—why now? Some of you are probably thinking. After another failed attempt at trying to get out on the dating scene again; I had a very serious conversation about not seeking out love and letting it happen. Those of you who know me personally; know that I am a very strong-willed, independent, and stubborn young woman with severe anxiety.

Something I also know, I feel pressure from myself and society to work on finding "the one" and getting married. This has led me to force myself to try to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. The outcome usually leaves me heartbroken and devastated. I am a caregiver and a nurture—so I tend to tell myself, "If I just give it time–they will see that I am valuable girlfriend material even though they aren't looking for a relationship." Trying to fix these men, even though they didn't need to be fixed.

One of my favorite parts of Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth's podcast series is when she talks about social media and the validation we seek from the "likes" and "comments" on social media along with how addictive it can become; while it's okay to seek validation from others you must find it within yourself first because you won't always have others to help you feel validated. I found this part of the podcast extremely inspiring considering I recently decided to take a step back from social media to find myself so I can eventually find myself and eventually find my soulmate.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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My Journal to Self Discovery: Day One

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In This Article:

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

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