Dear Grandpa,

Fourteen years ago, I lost you. Fourteen years ago God called you home, and it was the worst night of my life. Being a nine year old and having to learn what death was sucked majorly, I was not ready for that at all. More importantly, I was not ready for you to pass either, because I didn't understand that you wouldn't be waiting for me to get off the bus, I didn't understand that we wouldn't be watching baseball together anymore, I didn't understand that I wouldn't have a Grandpa anymore. Until I saw you laying in that casket until I cried in grandma's arms almost every night until as the years passed the number of nightmares I would have from that dreadful Christmas night. I was still young and naive and I still had a hope that you would come back and you were just on a very long vacation.

Fourteen years later, and I think it's time to say what I never got to. I want to thank you, thank you for stepping up when my father left, thank you for introducing me to sports, funny story the last game we ever watched together was the 2004 Yankees- Red Sox's playoff game where the Red Soxs wound up beating the Yankees. Well history repeated itself fourteen years later Gramp, and once again you were right and I was wrong, but honestly, the Yankees are still the better team. Grandma and I spoke for a good two hours after that game, and we talked about you. And how if you were still here, you'd try to hop on a flight to Oklahoma just to tell me that I picked the wrong team.

It's funny because I only had nine short years with you as my grandpa, but in those nine short years, you taught me so much. You taught me how to be tough, how to be a good ball player, how to be a good granddaughter, how to take care of myself, especially in those moments when I got injured and you would just say "Do it again I didn't see it." And it never failed to make me laugh. However, the most important lesson you taught me was how to take care of my sister and Grandma. Even though I may have lost that lesson somewhere along the way, I think I lost it with all the hurt and anger I endured over the past fourteen years, I wasn't the best to them when you died, and the years to come after. But as each year goes on, I get better and better.

I hope you're proud of me, I hope you're looking down on me not saying "what the hell is she doing." but saying "That's my granddaughter, that's who I raised." For nine years you were my dad, and for nine years you raised me to be who I am today. You've missed a lot, from all the sports games and awards to graduations, to even my first relationships. And it breaks my heart to this day, that you won't be the one walking me down the aisle, you won't be able to see your great grandkids, and you won't be able to see me honor you in the most incredible way.

It's your birthday this week, and in two short months, it'll be fourteen years since you passed. It's going to get harder, but it's also going to get easier because even though it was nine years of having you as my grandpa, it's been fourteen years of you being my guardian angel.

So thank you, for everything even if it took me fourteen years to find the words. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss you, especially during this time of year.

Love,

Becca, (aka your favorite, well according to Grandma.)

Oh also Go Yankees.