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My Greatest Fear: Regret

How I use the idea of regret to push myself each day.

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My Greatest Fear: Regret
Youtube: Anathema - Regret (Türkçe Altyazı)

Everyone wants to be happy. No one grows up hoping to settle.

I am from a small rural town in southern Indiana. It is not strange for people my age to only have a high school diploma. They graduate high school and stay in the same town for the rest of their lives. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that. It just isn’t for me.

One of my greatest fears is having regret. I want to be able to wake up each and every day and look in the mirror and be happy with the person that is staring back. I am harder on myself than anyone else, but that is what motivates me. It keeps me from getting into situations I may later regret.

I was recently watching a documentary on professional wrestler Jake “The Snake” Roberts called “The Resurrection of Jake the Snake.” I am not really a wrestling fan, but sports stories always catch my interest. This one is especially remarkable because it is based on a true story. It follows the progression of Jake Roberts as he fights through his addictions.

Without giving much away, he has a breakthrough moment towards the end of the film where he talks about regret. He talks about how his father wasn’t there for him and he never wanted to do the same to his kids. He did, though. The regret was so strong that you could see the conviction in his eyes when he was talking.

I have never felt regret like Roberts, but seeing his face and feeling his pain motivates me. I hate the idea of looking back and running through the long list of what ifs. We only have one life to live, so what is the point in not taking chances on things? If you try, you most likely won’t regret it.

When I wake up each morning, there are still things that are on my mind, things that make me sad and things that make me happy. I don’t feel regret, though. I might regret small things, like those 47 pizza rolls I ate before bed, but in the grand scheme of things I have lived to not regret what I’ve done. I'm praying every day that it stays that way because I really don’t want to have any regrets, not even a single letter.

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