Everyone goes through it at some point I guess. Most people experience it in high school. I, however, was unfortunate enough to wait until the very last moment here in college.

I guess if I were to describe the feeling, I wouldn't say it was as dramatic as "ripping my heart out." More like lending it out, getting it returned, about to hand it out again and it suddenly getting slapped out of my hand.

There's this guy (for the sake of discretion, let's refer to him as "Kevin") who I had been talking to for about a straight week prior to midterms week before spring break. We hung out every night, watched movies and did homework every now and then. We hung out, like, a lot. I sprung up the idea to go to the Planetarium for, kind of, like a "date" of some sort. He likes astronomy so it was probably a pretty awesome idea given he'd never been to a planetarium show before. I paid for the both of us ($7 total) and we watched the show. After the show was done, it was practically the Atlantic ocean falling from the sky that night. We said our quick goodbyes, quick kiss, and ran to our separate halls. I know, I know - it's pretty sappy.

So, it pulled around to our last hang-out night. We stayed up studying for our Gothic Lit. reading quiz that was the following day, and since we're in the same class, he just spent the night. We woke up, chowed on some breakfast, and hustled on over to Wells Hall.

Then comes Spring break and we hardly talk at all during that time. Which seems understandable since we're in two different states catching up with family and friends and all.

Then after spring break, I hit him up again for another "date" type deal at the swimming pool. He responds with a kind of evasive tone.

So basically I ask him what's going on. Give the whole "I like you a lot :)" speech, blah blah blah. Then he responds basically saying, "I don't have feelings for you like that anymore." Well, then. That sure felt like a stab through my leg.

I thought to myself, whatever. No big deal. It happens. Even though his attitude the entire week we hung out suggested otherwise. Anyway, I put it behind me and just continued to live my life as normal. Until last night.

My friend (for discretion, we're going to refer to her as Rachel) invited a bunch of friends from Ann Arbor to hang out with us this past weekend. We were watching videos of drunk people falling off of slides, listening to music, eating food, etc. It was all fine and dandy until my phone started to blow up like crazy. It was from Kevin. I went to the bathroom, called him back, and he just started spewing all this stuff about how he's sorry and how he made a mistake and all. I asked if he was drunk and he said he was fine. I proceeded to offer a time the following day when we could sit down and actually talk about all of this. Ya know, since I had a bunch of people in my room, I didn't exactly have time to have a deep conversation about anything at the moment.

The next day, we met out back behind the auditorium in the evening. He proceeded to disclose that he was in fact drunk when he called me...which kind of made me feel bad. He went on to say how us not talking at all throughout spring break kind of solidified his suspicions of him not having feelings for me. He also said that throughout our last hang-out, he also came to this conclusion...but never brought it up, never left, nothing.

He then talked about how he's not sure if he wants to keep pursuing something with me. He elaborated on how if he doesn't think anything is going to go anywhere, he's not going to try to put forth the effort.

But how do you know if it's worth it if you don't try? Guess we'll never know.

"I see..." I was very puzzled; I didn't know who to process everything.

He went on to say how he felt like sh*t because I felt like sh*t; simply put, I honestly didn't feel like hearing this any further.

"Welp...I'm going to go back to Case. It was good talking to you..."

Judging by the way his shoulders moved, it looked like he was going to go in for a hug? I'm not quite sure. I was just tired of physical displays of affection at this point.

"Goodbye," I said. I then started walking towards the bridge over the river and he, his dining hall (or residence hall; I'm not sure. They're in the same place).

I pretty much cried my whole walk back to Case. This was literally the first person I've ever done any of this stuff with. Dates, constant hanging out, etc. Except we didn't even officially date. We hung out just long enough for me to get feelings for him...then get cut off.

I made it back to Case and talked it out with my friend Rachel.

And now, here I am, sharing this moment.

To better days...