Fireflies or lightning bugs. Whatever you prefer to call them. They are something we all look for during the summer. They are the light within the darkness. In the south, we grow up going outside with a jar and capture these beautiful bugs.
We poke holes in the top of the lids so that they would be able to breathe. Growing up I would watch this bugs that were on fire and admire their beauty. I would catch them in a jar and watch them fly around while being on fire. In the darkness, they were my light.
On March 19th, 2018, I watched as my home was torn apart by a tornado. I lost my car. I lost my home. I lost most of my stuff. I lost a piece of my soul that night.
I was stuck in a closet for almost an hour listening. Waiting. All I could hear was the sound of a train about to run through the building. I kept thinking that I was not going to survive that night. My heart was hurting for my loved ones and my friends who were in the storm with me.
The trauma I felt that night will forever follow me. I will forever remember the night that the lights went out in Jacksonville. This traumatic event has caused permanent damage to my heart and mind.
When we think of PTSD, we think of people who were in the war or part of the military. However, anybody who has been through a traumatic event can form PTSD. I am one of those people. Every time I hear the wind move or rain, I have a panic attack.
I go back in time to the night that I felt my whole world shake. The clouds can be dark and I will freak out. But I look for the fireflies in my life. I look at the brightest things that get me through the darkness. I look at my mom, who was there for me the whole ride.
I look at my best friend, who came to my rescue when I needed it. I look at my roommate, who always makes sure to check up on me when she knows there is a storm coming. But mostly, I look at God.
He kept me safe the night of the storm. He wrapped his hands around me because He needs me for something in this life. He was not done with me. Those are my fireflies in the darkness.
What is yours?
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