This past weekend has been the hardest of my life. On the night of April 7, I lost a friend to suicide.

I met Sam the first semester of college. He had a contagious smile and an adorable laugh. He was very outgoing and open, making sure to meet everyone in the room. He really left his mark on my group of friends, always the jokester. He always made his presence known; one day, he put on his red rollerblades and rollerbladed all around my floor until my RA kindly told him that it probably wasn't a good idea. He was one of the most caring people I knew.

Our relationship was difficult. Always off and on, friends to more than friends. It didn't start the way it should've, not in the least, but everything happens for a reason. I know now that I was meant to meet Sam. He had his flaws, and so did I. But that didn't make him a terrible person like he always saw himself as. I reassured him time after time that it was okay, people make mistakes. I hated seeing him so sad and so upset about his past mistakes.

Sam always went out of his way to help other people. When one of my friends was unable to get home by herself, he took it upon himself to make sure she got home safely. He always helped me with any problems life was throwing me, and I did the same for him. I always tried my very hardest to make sure he was happy, smiling and laughing. That part was easy. The hard part was trying to make sure he stayed like that.

One night before Thanksgiving break, Sam's depression got the best of him. I won't go into details to be respectful - but he did end up getting the help he needed, and for that I was incredibly proud of him. He would call me some days over break and tell me how he was doing, what all he was learning. He sounded like a changed person, truly happier.

Since we both suffered from depression, it just wasn't right for us to be together romantically. However, we remained very close friends, talking every day and hanging out. When he got back from break, I helped him the best I could. I gave him advice and was there for him every step of the way.

My birthday rolled around and that night, he texted me he had a surprise for me. I met up with him to find him standing in the lobby of my dorm, holding something wrapped in note cards. The sight alone made me laugh, and he joined me in laughter before telling me not to judge the present. I opened it to find my favorite band's newest album. He knew how much this band meant to me and the gesture warmed my heart. To this day, it is still one of the most meaningful gifts I have received.

Sam left Western after first semester to go back home to a community college. The decision wasn't easy for him, he told me. He said he was happy here, but home was where he needed to be. I supported his decision, even though I'd miss him. He was a great friend and we'd been through a lot. We lost contact after he went home, texting every now and then. I will always regret not talking to him more. Life got crazy for a bit, but it's no excuse. I took his kind, random messages for granted.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is so if you didn't have the chance to know Sam, you kind of do now. Also, because even though he looked happy, there was a lot more to him under his bubbly surface. l will never forget how he would always change the radio station to Pearl Jam whenever I left the car. I will never forget him showing me classic movies I'd never seen, like "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."I will always cherish his Adidas shirt he gave me because he knew just how much I loved it.

Please, if you or someone you know are having suicidal thoughts, GET HELP. Trust me when I say so many people would be heartbroken without you. Stay and make more memories with your loved ones. You have so much to live for.

Sam, I will never forget you. I hope you're smiling and rollerblading around in heaven, and I will see you again someday. Thank you for everything.