Chronic migraines.
It's not some huge scary word like cancer but that doesn't make it any less real. I have been suffering from migraines my entire life. In the past year, they have become chronic. It's more than just a headache; it affects my physical, mental and emotional health.
The pain I feel is real and I am tired of people overlooking it because they don't understand.
My physical, mental and emotional health have been compromised because this pain controls my life. I have been taking three summer classes, an accomplishable task for me, but even with a week to do each assignment I can't handle it. I can study for a maximum of three hours or so at a time before my body gives up on me.
I have to spend all day in my blacked out room sitting in absolute silence and praying this pain will end soon. I feel trapped in my own room being tied down by pain. This loneliness instantly overwhelms me with feelings of depression and anxiety.
There have been countless nights when I cry because I am in so much pain and no medication will help. The six medications that I have to take daily only make me nauseous and fail to help my migraines in any way. These medicines make me so sick, I went from being the girl who eats like a teenage boy, to only eating one meal a day, if that.
So, after feeling nauseous 24/7 and being in pain all day, I hope to escape it all when I sleep. Even sleep cannot offer relief, my migraines follow me into the night and I am in pain while asleep. I can feel the pain and nausea while I am dreaming. There is no relief.
On top of the migraines and nausea, my body is breaking down physically. Because of migraines, the muscles in my neck and shoulders are so tense I can't move my neck when I wake up. Because of the pain, while I am sleeping I grind my teeth, so now my jaw is always sore and my teeth are sensitive. Because of the pain in my shoulders, the other muscles in my back are starting to tense up and I have random, painful back spasms.
No, ibuprofen, a hot shower, or even muscle relaxers have not helped me and will not help me. My chronic migraines have caused physical pain in my body and even that is not enough proof.
I have always had migraines and I could handle one a month or every few weeks. But, having at least one migraine every single day is torturous and I would not wish this life on my worst enemy. No one believes I am really having this many migraines and they think I am just whining.
I am 19 years old and living a life of pain instead of the life of a regular college student. I feel like I have lost myself in this pain. I don't know who I am anymore because I feel like this pain controls me. I am not just whining, I am miserable and I wish you could believe me.
Life as a college student has proven challenging enough, but being in physical pain every day on top of that is nearly impossible.
I am tired of trying new medicines and injections. I am tired of spending all day in a dark room sitting in silence. I am tired of talking to doctors more than I talk to my friends. I am tired of having back spasms and being physically sick because of daily migraines. But the worst pain I have experienced in all of this is feeling like no one believes me.
People look at me and say, "well you look great" and so they assume that I am not hurting. My online classes do not take migraines as an excuse because I am not going into a classroom. I have to apply for disabilities for my university because I need my professors to know that I am not just skipping class.
I should not have to prove my pain to anyone. Is chronic pain and misery not enough? Is me saying "I am tired of hurting" not enough?
If someone breaks a bone, they get a cast and everyone knows that they have hurt themselves. What does someone with chronic pain do to show the world that they are hurting?
I'm sorry my pain isn't real enough for you but I am begging you please try to believe me. Please sympathize with me.
