As I sit here at 1:00 am writing this, I can't help but think about how this should really be in a thousand-page novel and not just in a 500 hundred word article. But as any rational human being does, I have a lot of fears. I think they're evenly split between being realistic fears, physical fears, and exaggerated/emotional fears. That being said, I'm not going to try and fit all of my fears into one article because that's no fun to read. I'm also not sure the best way to go about listing and describing them, so I'll just start with the one that haunted me the most today.
Around 8 o'clock tonight, my best friend (who goes to school in Atlanta) decided it was time for one of our monthly venting/hang-out sessions. These usually involve stories about crazy classmates, run-ins with old friends from high school, classes that are stressing us out, future plans, new favorite music...you know, the typical best-friend catch-up. Having known her for 10 years, this kind of hang-out really keeps both of us grounded, sane, and connected.
She came and picked me up and we decided that since we both needed to get a lot off of our minds about what's been stressing us out, we should go walk at the local park. Remember how I said it was 8 pm? Now, yes, it is early spring so Daylight Savings is over and it takes "longer" for the sun to set. However, that didn't stop the park from being close to pitch black by the time we drove over there. I mean, there were some beautiful sunset streaks left in the sky, but for the most part, it was the Sun's bedtime.
Since it is a community park, we knew it was safe to walk in, so we picked one of the concrete running/walking trails and just started to walk and talk. Since Georgia did have a run-in with a tornado late last week, it was a bit chilly tonight; luckily, I was wearing a flannel and she had on a North Face Jacket. The park was well lit since there are community sports teams that practice late and even just joggers that prefer to exercise at night. After a good 20 minutes into our leisurely stroll, we walked past this one picnic table area. There were bright white lamps that illuminated our paths. And they immediately went out. Like something out of a horror movie.
We got spooked, and our thoughts immediately jumped to the worst possibilities. Think Ted Bundy, Slenderman, etc...But thankfully, one of us (not me) still has faith in being safe no matter the environment and is able to be the braver one of the duo. We decided to continue on our walk because we weren't too far from completing our lap around the whole park. We started walking down this pretty dark concrete path that bordered some thick vegetation, so I decided to turn on my flashlight while we chatted. And of course, the horror movie moments didn't stop there. The dark had to play with our minds. Something, or someone, made a sound. It honestly just sounded like a rustle of leaves or a twig snapping, but it was enough to end our night there.
Now, I like to pride myself in the fact that I'm best friends with a natural-born runner while I absolutely despise running. However, in that moment, I was the Usain Bolt of the two of us. I ran the fastest I have ever in my entire life. And even my best friend noticed. As we're practically running for our lives toward her car and the still-lit parking lot, she yelled that this was faster than I ran in fifth grade, when she had to drag me to the finish line of our school's fun run race. She also switched our trophies so I would feel better about being a sucky athlete. Anyways, I was fast as heck in that moment.
We got to the car panting, and I decided to ask her what her deepest fear is. She said the completely understandable "fear of my loved ones, family, and friends dying and me being alone." In essence, it was oblivion. Mine, both in that moment and just throughout life, was fear of the dark. Her response to that was, "You know, for most people, it's not fear of the dark, but either fear of being alone in the dark, or fear of not being alone in the dark...like, fear that something or someone is out there in the dark with you, but you aren't aware of it." And if that didn't terrify me enough, my brain making up terrifying characters and creatures to picture in the dark definitely did.
You have no control over what's in the dark. You have no idea what's out there. And in essence, that translates to just a general feeling of not knowing. Not knowing what, if anything, is out there. I know that's something I'll deal with through the rest of my life. But it feels good knowing that I'm not unique in that...right?
