I am writing this, my mind quickly racing towards vertigo and a dull headache. No not because of a bad day, or a difficult circumstance; but because I had the best day. A great day I admittedly have not had in quite awhile.
This article is not a statement about the horror that 2016 turned out to be - a statement I am almost positive was a general consensus between most. I want and need to reflect about the life I live publicly and the life I live privately. The immense joy and seemingly days of non-struggle and bliss are a fascade I have become more comfortable sharing, than even the most diminutive yet personal thoughts I have regularly.
If you have read my first ever Motivation Report, first of all thank you, but then you may have seen the quick context paragraph that I wrote in the introduction. I write of a difficult childhood in about 2-3 sentences then proceed to quickly jump to an empowering moment. A difficult part of my childhood that was a part of my history and was important enough to share for the story, however it was all glazed and skimmed over in 2-3 sentences. 2-3 sentences for about a decade of intermittent struggle is what I focused on, then continued to write for what seemed like hours about what I have learned from it. You don't need to sugarcoat the negative because without it, the story is incomplete.
Everyone I have known has struggled at some point or another. I believe a time of struggle is memorable and painful, but it creates a new different perspective in which I can lead my life. I have also found that new perspective doesn't automatically change the actions or course of my life, unless I let it.
You or I may be holding on to the last thread in life with only the darkness to catch you, but it is only engulfing if you fight against it. Take a breath and recuperate. The blind don't fear the dark so why should we? Change gears, gather your senses and find within you the spark that will eventually burn a blinding white hot.
Today I began a new chapter of my life, and that is one of complete uncertainty. With the loss of structure and, what one would say, the greatest oppurtunity of a lifetime within the last 6 months, I have gained complete freedom to do whatever it is I want in life.
You have begun a project but in the middle of progress it fails, you hit a dead end or have simply lost interest. It is okay to take time for a period of grief or mourning but it is not okay to stop the rest of your other projects or endeavors. The pages of our limited story are going to be turned no matter our history, so take what you know and push forward.
I want to feel something and take action about it. I do not need to know how to relate or explain it in that moment in time, just remember and take it with me on the rest of my journey.
I also realized as the day went on that you cannot experience the extreme emotion of joy without severe sadness, or an intense connection without utmost loneliness. I have connected with friends and family in a new way over the past year at different times in which I lived both extremes. This makes you appreciate what you have at a given point but also cherish them when we may be at our lowest.
I acknowledge that from the beginning of this article I have been vague, but here is what I mean in a nutshell. This year I'll to do more than just internally ponder:
I aim to feel
-and be true.
I want to create
-and share.
I strive to be unafraid
-and uncautious.
I will love
-and feel joy.
We all can.
With happiness,
and only the best,
Shawn
