I find myself up late tonight... of all the terrible things going on in the world right now, I should praying for peace and healing for those affected by the current crisis our country is going through. Don't get me wrong, I have been praying for these things, but tonight, my heart is heavy for another reason.
Tonight, like many other nights, I begged God to rid my mind of the memory of the man who broke my heart. I found myself crying out to God to take away the memories, both good and bad. I begged God to take away the memory of the words he said the day he left me. I begged God to take away the memory of his laugh, and the way he smiled at me when he got home from work. I begged God to take away the memory of ever hearing him say, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you...:".
It's been six months! Everyone tells me I should be over him by now... that my heart should be mended.
The truth is... it's not.
God isn't taking away the memories. I think he wants me to come out stronger than I ever was. I think he wants me to listen to my broken heart and learn from it.
My broken heart...and what it's trying to teach me...
1. It's okay to cry.
When you spend years of your life with someone, and they walk out on you with no warning, it's hard to let go. There is no quick-fix for something like that.
2. Don't blame yourself.
No one deserves to be deprived of closure and communication. A text message is all you got after years of commitment... you deserve more respect than that.
3. God has a plan!
I've always prayed for a good man... God showed me that the man who broke my heart wasn't him.
I came across a journal prompt on Pinterest the other day that said, "Describe in detail your dream life...". The prompt got me thinking about my "dream life" and what it looked like. I wrote down some things about a teaching job, a loving husband, a family, and a Christ- centered life. Now that I look back, I realized my dream life is the life God has planned for me... all the twists and turns, all the laughs and tears, all the joy and heartbreak... all of it.
4. Embrace your brokenness, it's leading you to where you are supposed to be.