Disclaimer: The names were changed to protect the guilty. Even though none deserve it.
I thought his presence wouldn't bother me anymore. He noticed me on the train and tried to hide. It was as if he tried to merge with the pole. He looked down, as if I didn’t exist and upon noticing his reaction, I might as well have not been. My heart hit the pit of my stomach, weighing so heavily inside me that I could’ve fallen through the floor. We reached our destination and in a flash, James was gone. He ran away from me, so fast that I think I saw his figure in smoke. Seeing James after so long brought me back to the time I lost myself, back to the broken pieces I once was.
He was my first love; not an extraordinary person, and frankly, he was a dumb-ass in high school but I loved him nonetheless. I actually still remember how we met. We were rehearsing in the school’s auditorium for the Arista ceremony that many students, including myself and James have achieved. Now that I think about it, he wasn't very smart either. I’m beginning to wonder how he got onto the honors list in the first place. He wasn't much to look at. He was about six inches taller than me, disheveled reddish brown hair, and a stocky build. And he also had an extra toe on one foot.
As we sat waiting for the rehearsal to start, I pleaded with him not to show me as he proceeded to take off his sock. Yes, I have weird taste in men. But he paid attention to me, made me laugh and even wanted to be with me. There was a strange connection between us. My memory goes blank when I try to remember any conversations we had. Nevertheless, we enjoyed each other’s company as he’d wrap his arm around me and we’d sit in complete silence. In my naivety, it felt like a real relationship. A mild version of a ‘happily ever after.’ At least that's what I believed at the time. It took five months of being together that he realized this wasn’t what he wanted. It was in the middle of the night, while I was doing some late homework. I looked at the glowing screen that said, ‘You have 1 voice message.’
“I didn't want to be with you… It’s like I had no choice but to kiss you... I was forced into the relationship by your friend and sister. I'm still in love with my ex…”
His words didn't register until the next day I saw him. James tried to paint himself innocent; he looked at me with his big brown puppy dog eyes, his head bowed down as if he was the one who was rejected. It didn't hurt at that moment. I wish I could tell you that I had moved on. That my short romance was the lesson I needed to learn in order not to date any future James. Apparently, I needed more than one lesson. James came back to rear his ugly head; each time was another crack in my mind, with lies that pierced through my heart like a poisoned arrow, leaving heartbreak and despair in its path. It took three more encounters and one night of sex - though he told me we made love - to realize he was gone for good.
To be continued...
