June 26 is always a hard day for me. I know I have already written about my great-grandparents and how they raised me and took care of me my whole life. Well, I think of my Ma as more of a best friend than a parent figure. I think back to the bond we had and I remember how I followed her to every place in the house. I would follow her from one room to the other, just so I wouldn't miss a single second of conversation with her. We would sit at the kitchen table and color in coloring books for hours straight and just talk about life. She understood me.
When I got older and started liking boys, she knew exactly what to say to make that a comfortable transition into my older life. "You are beautiful the way you are Carlee, don't change for anyone, especially a man." I took that phrase with me and still take it with me to this day. I always play those words in my head when my boyfriend and I are fighting. Or my boss is giving me a hard time. I am who I am, and that's what they will get. I look back on all of the places we traveled and would play games in the car and laugh. I remember license plate bingo and laughing at all of the goofy sayings we would make using people's license plates. I will always remember the late night snack sessions where we would sit and eat ice cream or chips and dip at like 3 a.m. and watch some silly late night television. Just like any teenage girl would do with their best friend. I really just miss having my grandmother around. I miss having my best friend to talk to when I am having a problem. I miss hearing her tell me she loves me every chance she got. I just wish you would have gotten to see me go to prom, get my license, graduate high school. None of those times were nearly as good or fun because someone was missing. I had my Papa, but Papa didn't react to things like Ma did. So here is my open letter to Ma. So she knows I'm thinking about her today.
Dearest Ma,
I am thinking about you today, I always think about you every day. Everything reminds me of you. When I eat an ice cream cone or chips with dip, I think of you and how you absolutely loved your sweets. When I go to Aldis to pick up something, I think of how excited I would get when you would let me put the quarter in to get the cart. When I make pancakes, I think about how you would make them. And would make them as big as possible so I could add more peanut butter. Ma, you were my role model, my everything really. And although I miss you so much and would do anything to hear your voice, I am happy you are at peace and are finally making sure Grandpa is staying in line up there. And I am even more at peace now knowing you have the love of your life up there now, my Papa. Just know that you may be gone but never forgotten. Especially not by me. I will never let your legend discontinue. You already have a cat named after you. Rosie is white with blue eyes, I still tell myself she is you reincarnated. Cause she's my best friend. I love you.
With deepest love,
Carl-Lee
