It’s sad. My crush will never know that I like him. I will sit back and watch as he dates other girls and even listens to him vent about the girl he’s talking to this week. There is no doubt that it will crush me, no pun intended.
The only thing that will truly make me feel whole again is giving this boy a hug, but not to comfort him, to comfort me.
I will spend my nights crying over him because I don’t have the guts to tell this guy just how I feel. In turn, I’ll turn on myself and get angry. Why am I being so pathetic? How hard could it be to mutter three simple words?
Seconds later, I will be reminded of the tightening of my stomach, closing of my throat, and the never-ending thoughts of everything that could go wrong.
Humans subconsciously give each other social signs and cues. But because of my social anxiety, I can’t tell when someone likes me. I refrain from over-analyzing actions and blow them off to prevent me from making a fool of myself. I blame my anxiety for the reason I’ve never had a boyfriend and all the opportunities I’ve had to pass up.
Maybe it’s the lonely in me talking, but I’ve always wondered what life held for me. I still see myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress and sending my kids off to school. Still, I can’t even muster up the guts to say hi to my crush; does that mean I’m sentenced to a life of loneliness?
If there is anything in the world that should scare someone, it’s just that: spending an eternity with no one to share precious memories.
It’s silly of me to sit here and let my mind wander to such a childish conclusion, but someone somewhere is going to read these words and know exactly how I feel. I want that person to know that you are not alone. We are in this together. Everything will be okay, even if your crush doesn’t know how you feel.
Just because that special someone isn’t in your life, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. He’s out there somewhere, and you’ll find each other someday.
For right now, don’t mind that boy who tugs at your heartstrings and puts a soft smile on your lips at the thought of his own crooked grin. To get through this gloom, focus on yourself. Those aren’t exactly the words anyone wants to hear to cover the dark spot on their heart, but maybe one day, as you are portraying your best self, he will realize you were the one that got away.
