It feels horrible to feel like there isn't a person in your life that is always there with you
Sometimes when I think about being alone, it makes me afraid. Not the kind that makes you turn on a nightlight, but the kind that makes you constantly judging yourself and not seeing the whole picture. What I mean by that is that when everyone is packing up to leave for school like around this time, I feel left behind. It makes me anxious and I don't ever want to feel that way.
Anxiety either makes you run around like a crazy person (which I know you're not) or makes everything come to a stop. For me, I can tell you that when I get in a mood, nothing can stop me. I feel like a roller coaster that unfortunately, is only going down, not up. The things I have faced in the past year or two have made me stronger, not weaker. But why do I still feel like things aren't fixed yet? Maybe it's because somewhere deep down I know that something is not finished. From my personal standpoint, I know that my school isn't finished.
My transfer experience from community college to university has been nonetheless a struggle. I am working so hard to be like my friends that sometimes when I know I am so close, I get crippled by a feeling a doubt. That doubt is my good old friend Anxiety. It makes me feel like less of a person, the one I wish I was in high school when things were easier. But it also leaves me at a crossroads of where I want to be in life. Do I stay where I am or launch myself into a university and succeed without any doubt? I think we all know which one I am choosing.
My life can be so affected by anxiety that sometimes I just want to sit in my room and cry., but people help and they really helped me. My boyfriend for starters is one of the best motivators and so are my lovely friends who have seen me at my worst and now want to see my best. They have seen both sides of the spectrum when it comes to me, not that I like showing my temper but it tends to flare up when anxiety or depression gets in the way.
To wrap this up, I don't want anyone who suffers from anxiety to feel like it is something they have to hide. I hid mine for awhile and trust me, it's not something that one person can handle for very long. Don't let it mess up your life because I have seen it get better, mine is almost there. I can feel my goals reaching to the top and so will yours! Anxiety is something that really never goes away, because everyone has it, some worse than others. The goal is to find someone or something in your life that is bigger than that anxiety and to strive to be someone that is content with their decisions and to not look back.
