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Health and Wellness

My Anti-Resolutions for 2018

The list of things I will not be doing this year.

Maggie Schmitt

Jan 22, 2018

Mount Holyoke College

195

Maggie Schmitt

In the spirit of the New Year, I decided that I would make a list of resolutions, but then I realized that a list of anti-resolutions would serve me better. This year I'm not going to promise to do things or to be things that other people want me to be. I suppose some resolutions are my version of anti-resolutions, so for some people this may just seem like a list of resolutions, however, for me, instead of making a list of things I will do, this is a list of things I won't do. I never stick to my regular old cliched resolutions anyway so why not try something new, right? Here goes nothing:

This year:

1. I will not go to the gym because I'm expected to look a certain way.

2. I will not hide from my imperfections both physically and psychologically.

3. I will not fake happy when I'm not just so that others will more comfortable.

4. I will not hide my beliefs because someone doesn't agree with them.

5. I will not let my GPA define my intelligence.

6. I will not let a significant other or anyone else decide my worth.

7. I will not feel guilty for staying in and watching TV instead of going out.

8. I will not sacrifice my aspirations in order to be what other people think I should be.

9. I will not apologize when someone else bumps into me or is being rude to me.

10. I will not apologize for being a strong woman who can speak for herself.

11. I will not feel bad for wearing a sweatshirt and jeans to my classes indefinitely.

I think that these are a good place to start, but I'm sure there are a lot of things I've missed. I'm open to suggestions because seeking help from others who know more than you or different things is a sign of strength not weakness. I hope you can make your own list for this year that serves to make you better in your own eyes and not in the eyes of those around you. Good luck--I'll definitely need luck too.

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My Anti-Resolutions for 2018

The list of things I will not be doing this year.

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

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