In 20 years, I have lived, I have loved, and I have hurt. Life has chewed me up and spit me out and I have come out the other side a better person. I have learned so much about myself, and the world, and though I don't claim to know everything, I know enough. Here are some things I have learned:
1. Tell the people you love that you love them. Tell them in your texts, tell them in your calls, send them random letters or emails or stick post-it notes around their room. It does not matter how you let them know. Just let them know before it's too late.
2. Tell yourself that you love you. Get enough sleep, drink enough water and take care of yourself. It gets easy to forget yourself in the whirlwind of life and put yourself on a back burner. But as everyone comes and goes, you are all you have. So take care of you.
3. Some people will let you down time and time again. Some people have let you down time and time again. You cannot control this. Do not put this on yourself. This is not your fault. Do not adopt other people's problems.
4. Your face may be the best combination of your parents' features, but you are not them. They gave you their genes and you can thank them for that, but do not let them pass on their pain. It is not yours to keep. You will have enough pain of your own to take on other people's as well.
5. People don't hurt others because they are hurt themselves. Do not believe that. Do not let that excuse allow you to keep letting people break your soul without consequence. People hurt others because they want to. Do not feel bad for them.
6. Do not feel bad for anyone before you feel bad for yourself. Do not allow anyone to make you feel like you're selfish for being concerned with yourself. Feel bad for yourself when you need to. Compassion is not compassion if you compromise your sanity.
7. You will go through years of friends that don't love you. But when you find friends that love you, you will cry. And you will cry and you will cry. And it will feel like the river of hurt will be gone and inside you will find nothing but love.
8. When you first fall in love you will be confused. You will be lost. You will ignore your mother's advice and you will get hurt. I repeat: you will get hurt. Love will hurt you the first time, but that doesn't mean it will always hurt you. This is okay. This is life.
9. You are allowed to breathe. You are allowed to take up all the space you want, when you want to, how you want to. This earth is too big for you to feel like you aren't allowed to take up space. That's what you are here for.
10. It is always okay to leave. You don't need to stay anywhere that isn't making you feel the best you can. It is okay to leave that job, to leave that person, to leave that situation and never look back.
11. It is also okay to look back, if you want to. Sometimes you need to look at the past to know what you don't want for the future. Sometimes you need to look at the past to figure out how you got here. Sometimes not looking back is how you end up hurt.
12. You had to get hurt so you could know how it feels to feel. You had to feel pain so you could know know how deep your feelings run. Know that feelings are okay. Know that your feelings are okay.
13. You will hurt people. You have hurt people. You may not even realize that you hurt people, but you have hurt them. So do not tell them that you haven't. Take responsibility for your actions and apologize.
14. You will change. You will not be the same person forever. You do not have to be the same person forever. You're allowed to wake up and decide to be a new person if you want to. Do not let people be mad at you for changing. You are not stagnant.
15. Do not let your past define you. You are not the things you've done, you are not the things you've said, you are not the people you've known. Define yourself as you want to be defined. No one can tell you who you are, even who you used to be.
16. People cannot be molded into what you want them to be. You are not allowed to build a person to love. Stop thinking people are your own personal play things. Love unconditionally or not at all.
17. Don't be afraid to be yourself. And if you don't know who you are, be who you want to be until that is who you become. Life is about creating yourself, so go out there and do it.
18. You do not need validation, but if you want it, that's okay too. Don't let people make you feel less than for needing someone to tell you that you're okay sometimes. Everybody needs to feel important at times.
19. Always love. Love your friends, love your family, love yourself. Love with your whole heart if you have a whole heart to love with. Love with half a heart if someone took the other half and ripped it into shreds. But remember to keep loving, because loving will keep you sane in a world full of hate.
20. Growing is okay. Growing is a part of life. It doesn't mean you're leaving anything behind or forgetting anyone beneath you. It means you are becoming who you want to be. So allow yourself to grow. Allow yourself to keep going. Because one day, you will reach the sky.
