On July 4th, 2017, I will be turning 19 years old. That is 6,935 days, 166,440 hours, 9, 986, 400 minutes, and 599,184,000 seconds; in other words, a long ass time. In some ways my life so far has been much the same as everyone else’s. I’ve spent a lot of time eating, sleeping, crying, laughing, doing homework, petting dogs, and waiting for the weekend. It’s been mostly sunshine and rainbows with the occasional rainy day, and even a thunderstorm now and again. Looking back, I am glad of the early storms because they taught me how little I like to be caught off guard in the rain. I’ve learned to put on a coat, let the water roll off my back, and try to enjoy the feeling of the droplets on my face. Recently I’ve gotten used to the presence of a passing storm, or maybe I’ve just come to appreciate a change in the weather. Either way I think it’s all part of growing up. At some point you have to learn how to dance in the rain.
My 19th year has been the most difficult, emotional, and tumultuous year of my life, but I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I’ve been completely broken down more than once, but each time I’ve managed to put myself back together again, and I think I’m stronger for it. In my shattered and scattered state, I had a chance to examine all the little pieces of myself that come together and make me who I am. I know myself better now, and I realize that I still have a lot of growing up to do, and I probably always will. Every person has a lot to teach, and even more to learn. At some point this year I stopped wondering when I would finally feel like an adult, and I think that’s because I realized I probably never would. You see, the idea of adulthood has a finality to it that I don’t understand. It’s as if you reach a certain milestone or age and suddenly you’re expected to know everything, but you don’t, because you’re just a person, the same person you’ve been all your life. It’s not you that’s changed, it’s the way everyone else sees you, and the only thing to do for it is to realize that what they think doesn’t matter. All you can do is live however you believe and find people who will understand that you’ll always be learning and they will too.
Above all else, this year has reminded me that I am lucky. Not just the normal kind of lucky, but truly and completely blessed to be loved by the most wonderful people in the world. I have learned to lean on them when I need them, but also to take my independence and run with it. Friends come in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter if they’re old or young, or even four legged and furry, as long as they make you happy keep them close to your heart. So, thank you, thank you to everyone who helped me survive my 19th year. I mean it when I say I couldn’t have done it without you. I never knew how much of a difference a trip around the sun could make on a person, but the good, the bad, and the ugly of this year have each left their mark on me. I am scarred, and I am tired, but I am also hopeful, thankful, and ready to see what my 20th year has in store. Let the adventure continue.
