Dear reader,

I voted today. It felt surreal and empowering and so, so great. My breath actually caught in my throat when I inserted my little card and the names of the nominees popped up on the screen. I was beyond excited and ecstatic to be exercising my civic duty and sovereign right. There was also a slight sense of dread that accompanied the whole ordeal, though. As excited as I was, I couldn't help but also feeling a little let down.

I grew up listening to my parents talk about how in their first voting election, they got to cast their ballots for Ronald Reagan. Hearing that anecdote as a kid, I always idealized what it would be like when I finally was able to vote. In my mind, I would get to support someone whose views I could align myself with 100%. They would be the very embodiment of my Party, my platform and my preferred policies. Or so I thought.

I have the trouble of being born in April. My birthday was just a few weeks after my home state’s primary voter cutoff. I ardently campaigned for Marco Rubio during the primary season (and sometimes I still get misty-eyed thinking that we could have had a Rubio-Haley ticket), but I could not vote for him. The first official vote I ever cast will be the one I cast next week.

I wish with my first vote I could be electing someone I am willing to fully stand behind and support unequivocally. I wish my nominee were someone to whom I was passionately devoted. I was not awarded such luxuries.

With all of that being said, however, I have never for one second doubted for whom I will be voting. Okay, there may have been one short second I thought about writing in Marco Rubio or Nikki Haley, but it’s never been a serious consideration. This election is far too important for such wishful whims. I will not make excuses or try to defend Donald Trump. There’s no point. Your statements will only fall on deaf ears. At this point in the election, we’ve greatly surpassed informative discussion or polite discourse. Plus, I have no defense for some of the outrageous things Mr. Trump has said. But I cannot put more value on the crazy and admittedly incendiary things a man has said than the corrupt and absolutely heinous things a woman has actually done.

The Supreme Court hangs in the balance, ISIL is expanding their power and influence every day and America’s status as a global superpower is crumbling from beneath us. I am not trying to sound like a paranoid fear mongerer, and I do not believe Donald Trump is a fixall for every problem our nation is facing, but he is definitely better than the alternative. I hate to have to base my vote strictly on opposing the other candidate, but when choosing the lesser of two evils I must bear in mind that one is lesser for a reason.

I truly believe that Donald Trump cares about the United States of America. I truly believe Hillary Clinton cares only about herself. I am not at all thrilled with the fact that my first voting election is so contentious and ridiculous, and I would prefer to be casting my vote for a nominee with whom I agreed more. But that’s just not an option for me. Voting third party or writing someone in would be fine if I didn’t feel this were such a monumentally important election, but it is, and every vote against Hillary Clinton is needed. I may not be Donald Trump’s biggest fan, but I am willing to stand by my assertion that he would be a better commander in chief and leader than Hillary Clinton, and I have to do everything in my power to keep her from the White House.

I cannot value the crazy, albeit admittedly incendiary things a man has said more than the corrupt and absolutely heinous things a woman has actually done.

I am not presumptuous enough to assume that my opinion matters to anyone else. If you’ve managed to make it through this muddled soliloquy, I commend you. I also implore you. I implore you to vote with your conscience. I implore you to make a well thought out and informed decision. There’s nothing more I can ask of you. Just vote.

Sincerely,

A disheartened first-time voter