Doing Laundry: the new fangled idea of washing your clothes every so often; something your parents have always done. This is somehow made worse by the chaos that is college laundry rooms. After some investigating, I have come up with the basic scientific rules to get you through the chore. So grab your basket and detergent (and those socks that have been under your bed for three weeks) and be relentless in your efforts to achieve clean apparel:
1. The Article Ruination
There are different types of fabrics in this world, all of which require different kinds of care. However, in the college laundry room, there is not regard to this need. You will ultimately ruin your favorite clothes (but you will learn from your mistakes).
2. The Law of Perpetually
There is an ever-present pile of unclaimed laundry just hanging out. Even underwear. Always.
3. The Tears Theorem
You will lose your favorite sock(s). And you will cry about it.
4. The Timing Approximation
The laundry room is always busy. You must find a convenient time to do the chore. However, if the best time for you is when it's busy, then you are stuck sitting on the floor, cursing the laundry gods and praying for an empty dryer.
5. The Discovery Triangulation
Because the laundry room in your building is always busy, you must go in search of all the other laundry rooms on campus. One is bound to be free. Lugging ten pounds of laundry across campus is worth it to see that one glorious empty washer.
6. The Courtesy Factor
The standard rule for laundry room is to wait ten minutes before removing someone's laundry (which gives them time to come back and get it). But we all know that ain't nobody got time to wait for that. So, if your laundry is finished and you are not there right after the timer goes off, your laundry will be removed for you (no promises where it will end up).
7. The Detergent Degradation
You will inevitably run out of laundry detergent at the most inconvenient time. You say you are going to buy the pods, but those run out too. You will beg your roommates, neighbors and randoms for anything they can spare. And the truth is, no one has anything to spare because we are all broke college students.
8. The Law of Conservation of Dryer Sheets
However many dryer sheets you put in the dryer is however many will come out of the dryer (and ultimately end up all over the floor because you never bother to pick them up).
9. The Parent Permutation (aka #Adulting)
This is the feeling of accomplishment right after you finally do your laundry (and leave it in the basket until next time you do laundry).
College laundry rooms are a madhouse. Keep these rules handy next time you reach for your basket and think about how today is the day that you will finally get everything clean. Good luck and may the laundry pods be ever in your favor.
