Growing up, say until I was about 16, I had an idea of the type of person I would marry. First and foremost, he would be someone who would love books just as much as I do, and we would be the type of people who would spend our weekend afternoons in cafés reading, talking and drinking entirely too much coffee. Our nights would be spent at home cooking, watching movies or doing some other leisure activity.

During the week, we would both work, but we would have the same interests and the same passions. Therefore, we would be able to work together on projects and find success through one another.

We would be the perfect pair.

It was a version of life that I craved and idealized. However, as I have gotten older and truly fallen in love, I have realized how misguided and naive that version is. I have come to know that Mr. Right most likely is not going to be the person who anyone imagines him to be.

Based on my experience, he is better.

Over the holidays I got engaged. As silly as it may seem, I can honestly say that, since I was 16, I recognized and hoped that he would be the boy that I would someday marry.

Even then, he was not the book-loving, the passion-sharing partner I had always imagined. While he enjoys reading, he had—and still has—his own interests.

While I love listening to him talk about his interests, they make absolutely no sense to me, and I can not actively discuss them because I do not have the knowledge or vocabulary to understand the concepts and pieces associated with them.

I love books and language, and he loves numbers and computers. That is just the way it is, and that is okay.

I’m no expert, and I certainly won’t pretend to be one, but I have come to realize that it is not shared interests that makes someone the right match. Rather, a right match is someone who makes you want to be better.

He is not someone who is a part of your interests and passion as just an accessory. He is not a part of the image, but rather someone who aids in shaping the whole picture.

The right person finds enjoyment and excitement in being with you and encouraging you to pursue goals even if he does not share the passions tied to those goals. He helps in ways that I can only describe as quiet and soft, but necessary. He helps in ways that include cheering you on and comforting you when times get stressful, but he also helps in ways that are more difficult to pinpoint.

The ways that he gives help can only be seen in hindsight, and it makes you say, “I could have never gotten to where I am, or grown into the person I have become, without you.” If the relationship is right, he can say the same thing about you.

In short, The One is not going to be the person you idealize as you are growing up. He is going to have his own interests that may not makes sense to you; and he will have flaws that may not fit with how you always imagined life would be.

He will be the one who helps you grow in ways that would not be possible on your own. He will help you understand yourself better as who you are and who you hope to be.