"So what's your type, Angel?"
When I entered college, this question popped up time and time again, leaving me to struggle at a loss for words. Unsure of what answer they are looking for, I resort to describing the actual qualities I find attractive in a guy.
At the top of my list is kindness.
Why?
I'll spare you the sob story (for now), but trust me when I say I didn't grow up with a nurturing male presence.
In my experience, we always want what we don't have, so here I was — searching for the missing pieces of my life in all the wrong places — including, but not limited to, boys.
I didn't interact with the gentlemanly type, ever. So any kind gesture — holding the door open, asking how my day was, or saying good morning and goodnight — will pretty much make me weak in my knees.
The lack of a caring male figure has given me dangerously low relationship standards. But the blame game is a risky one to play. So I advise myself, Mr. Nice Guy doesn't mean Mr. Right Guy.
I like to keep things organized and logical. So to make sense of all this, I'll divide the slogan into two concepts.
"Nice" doesn't necessarily mean "good."
Nice can be good, but it is not always good.
How about the ability to stand your ground, and fighting for what you believe in? How about not caving in to negative pressures? How about being honest rather than sparing someone's feelings and lying?
Gestures do say something about a person, but they are not the whole person.
All I'm saying is, he could do all the right things without being good for you."Good" doesn't necessarily mean "right."
Even if he genuinely is a good guy, that doesn't mean he's the right guy.
Sure, he could be sweet, caring, understanding, and intentional as a friend — but humans, unfortunately, do not always abide by the transitive property. Humans play by their own rules. We are unpredictable, fickle creatures — unlike numbers. In a relationship, actions are charged by emotions and attraction. Even the best of friends could become the worst of beaus.
You may have heard the mathematical adage that a square can be a rectangle, but a rectangle can't be a square. You can apply that to your love life, too. Well, kinda. A rectangle symbolizes a good guy. A square symbolizes the right guy. The right guy (square) is a good guy (rectangle), but a good guy (rectangle) is not necessarily the right guy (square).
Liking nice guys is a survival mechanism. I'm sick of as*holes, so I'm only going to date nice guys. But giving all nice guys the benefit of the doubt has dangers of its own. What does he believe in? What are his passions and his goals? What is his personality really like? Does he even have one?
The bottom line? No human — nice or not — can ever fill the void in a heart. Although this may not be what you want to hear, Mr. Nice Guy will always be just that — Mr. Nice Guy. So stop looking for your missing piece in a person, because you could just end up carving a gaping hole in your heart, and someone else's.
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