On June 12, 2016, I parted ways with my hometown near New Orleans and set off for Orlando so I could live my dream and work for Walt Disney World as part of the Disney College Program.
On June 12, 2016, early in the morning, 50 people were gunned down and many more were injured at a local night club as an act of terror and a hate crime.
I feel immense sympathy for the families who lost loved ones that night, and for anybody who lost a friend. This situation, though, has put me also in a very scary position. News outlets have said that the shooter was scouting out Disney Springs for an attack as well, which sends a chill down my spine, because that very well could have been me and my sister that were shot to death in the biggest mass shooting in America.
There are other rumors circulating that the shooter of the night club was not the only attacker that night. This also understandably makes me worry. I am already a worrisome person with pretty bad anxiety, and everything that has happened in Orlando in the last few days with the shooting of Christina Grimmie and the massacre at the Pulse night club has only made it much worse. I am trying my best to ignore the situation and really experience this amazing opportunity I have been given, but it's really hard when I am now afraid to go anywhere that doesn't have intense security.
My roommates and I all went to Disney Springs last night for our first outing. We did a little shopping and got some dinner, all the while I was internally panicking and watching every person around me to make sure that nothing was going on. I jumped at every sudden noise and had to keep shaking my hands because I felt like I was losing feeling in them. All of this was happening because I was afraid that we would be next. However, I kept it all on the inside, smiled and had a good time with my roommates, because I didn't want to ruin my night. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if any of them were feeling that same way.
The unfortunate truth, at least for now, is that a place I once considered the safest place on Earth where nothing worse than dropping an ice cream cone could happen to me is now a little scary for me. Part of me starts to wonder if maybe I should just avoid going to crowded places for a little while, but part of me is saying that if it's my time to go, then nothing is going to stop it from happening. I know that being afraid is no way to live, especially when, in the end, we have no control over whether we live or die, but it's very hard to not be afraid when someone attacks one of the places you cherish the most.
I guess we all just need to remember that living in fear is not living, and that we should not be afraid, just careful and aware of our surroundings.
