Everybody wants friends. Or at least one good friend. But for those of us lacking in 'people skills,' just what is it that makes us come off as trustworthy and genuine? I've done some research from Dale Carnegie and Leil Lowndes, top communicators of their time, and below are some of the most helpful tips I have found to improving your likability around people.
1. Make More Eye Contact.
Eyes have been said to be the windows to our souls, so eye contact can be a game changer in the way one communicates with others. This doesn't me you catch someones eyes every once in a while during a conversation. As Leil described it, imagine your eyes are stuck to the other person's eyes with sticky taffy. On the rare occasion that you simply must peel your eyes away from them, she instructs her clients to slowly pull the taffy away. Eye contact instantly makes the person you are talking to feel like you are interested and listening. The more eye contact you give the more it appears you are invested in the conversation.
2. Smile, But Smile Slower.
Everyone has seen (and probably flashed) a fake smile. You run into that 'friend' at the grocery store, an ex or the like, and you try to be polite as you pull the plastic smile out. One of Dale Carnegie's biggest breakthrough contributions to communication was simply just to smile more. Leil took it a step farther and urges clients to smile but only after waiting just a brief extra second or two and to let your smile 'flood' into your face rather than 'flash' onto it. The extra pause adds credibility to your smile.
3. The YOU- First Principal.
Another technique that Leil offered in her book "How to Talk to Anyone" is the You-firstie principal. By nature we are all subconsciously applying ourselves to situations we get involved in. Let's say some friends ask you to go to a movie. Your first thoughts might be, what movie is it? Will I like it? A YOU-firstie communicator saves the precious time of others by translating what they are saying into YOU terms. Rather than telling their friends it will be a good movie, they say, 'you will love this movie!" or "it's your type of movie!" By considering the needs of those around you, you make it easier on their brains and in turn, you are more likely to friend-them-over. This principal also applies to compliments as well. It's nice to have someone say "I like your dress." Sure, they compliment your sense of style. But it is even better to hear "that dress looks great on you!"- not only do you have style but you rock it!
4. Listen To Understand.
Another obvious, yet overlooked skill in communication is listening. Communication is a two way street and both talking and listening are required for there to be any real success in the process. We have all been in a conversation where we felt the other person just wasn't listening to what we had to say, and if they were listening it was just to give them more ammunition for their own point. Take the time to really listen to people, and you will be surprised how much you can learn from different perspectives, all the while giving them another reason to like talking to you!
5. Say Thank You.
Lastly, Dale Carnegie urged people to show genuine appreciation for others. Whether it is thanking a buddy for giving you a ride, your mom for paying for dinner, or writing a professor a thank you card- be honest and applaud them for their efforts. There are few feelings that are better than feeling loved and appreciated. As small as those acts of kindness may seem, they stick with us for a long time. Nothing new though, right? Here's Leil's twist on it: "never a naked thank you" as she calls it. She instructs her clients to always specifically thank the recipient for what he or she has done for you. For example, say "Thank you for the bouquet of flowers, it means so much!" or "thank you for taking the time to help me fix my car". These few extra words can instantly make your thank-you's more personable and genuine.
So the next time you're at a social gathering and you want to make a good impression, apply some of these techniques and see how quickly (and easy it is) to make friends!
