I'm not one to hold grudges. Instead, I'm the one to apologize immediately, forgive quickly, and move on just as fast. However, there have been times where I've moved on without forgiving someone or not finding something worth apologizing for, and I'm sure that I'm not alone in having experienced such situations.
I've often felt guilty for moving on in this way, but I've learned that some situations don't need forgiveness on either side to bring about closure.
As someone who has been on both sides, I've come to understand the importance of self-preservation, healthier relationship standards, and general views of the kinds of people I want in my life when it comes to what I'm willing to forgive of both myself and others.
Nothing is more important than knowing your self-worth, and forgiving someone who has truly wronged you can really lower the way you view yourself. Nobody deserves to be hurt or screwed over by someone on purpose. While you may care or love the person, forgiving them to keep them in your life may not serve your best interest.
As someone who forgives easily, I know that forgiveness is often the option we want to exercise the most, a display of how much that person means to us in the hope that we mean the same to them. But, some people can and will take advantage of this and either do what they did again or worse. Create boundaries for yourself on what is forgivable, and remember your self-worth. Often times, you lived a full life just fine without them and it may take some time, but you can live an even better life without them.
Not only was not forgiving people a learning curve for me but what came after was different too. I found that without explicitly saying I forgave someone, I could still feel like I could learn something from the experiences I had with them. Of course, adjusting to no longer having someone in your life is difficult, but there also comes the difficulty of going through and trying to learn from their mistakes as well as your own.
I also really find it difficult to ghost or just stop talking to people, and I still feel tempted to text certain people from time to time. But, when it came to people I truly do not want in my life anymore, letting them go was easy. If someone truly does not deserve your forgiveness, you will know better then anyone.
People who want to be in your life will still make an effort, but it's still your decision who you keep around you and who you choose to leave in the past.
While not forgiving someone can be viewed as cold or heartless, the truth is some actions or situations don't require you forgiving someone to move on. Sometimes, all you need is the strength to just say goodbye and move ahead in your life.
Forgiveness has always been my way, and I know it's the way a lot of people take too. When we consider how we would want another person to react, we would want them to see us as good people and forgive our mistakes. But, beyond your empathy, remember the importance of yourself and making sure you are in a healthy and genuine relationship of any kind. If you come to a point where genuine forgiveness seems impossible, it's okay to just walk away. It's better to leave and bring about new happiness than to not honestly forgive and be able to move on with or from the situation.
